I Tried Doing Long Distance and It Failed
And it was partially my fault too.
We met on a dating app. The relationship was rocky from the start, as we had our ups and downs in the honeymoon stage of our relationship. Nonetheless, we fell hard and fast for each other. On our first date, I revealed that I will be studying abroad in Sweden for two years. Though he was disappointed, it didn’t keep us from seeing each other. He revealed he had a daughter. Usually, I don’t date men with kids, but I thought we could see where things go. That was in May 2021. The months that followed, we spoke daily and spent as much time together as possible.
He’d drive to the Inland Empire a few days per week for physical therapy and stop by my place before he was on his way back to LA. I would get ready just so I could see him for an hour for lunch. We already talked about the future and our plans. Though we tried to avoid it because it made both of us upset, we’d speak about my eventual departure. He was disappointed that I’d be leaving and I was hurt that he wouldn’t support me while I was trying to get a graduate degree.
We agreed to make the most of the time we had left. Both of us agreed not to do long distance. He was very much against it. I knew that it’d be hard, but I would be open to it if he was. I often joked that I’d find someone in Sweden and it wasn’t until later I found out that he took this to heart.
The day came and I hopped on a plane to study abroad. Our last night together consisted of more drama than I’d liked, but he still wished me the best. When I arrived in Sweden, I told him I missed him. We’d still text daily and share what was happening in our lives. I shared with him how difficult it was for me to adjust and how lonely felt. He’d FaceTime me randomly while drunk and share pictures and videos from his trip to DC, where he was originally from.
Eventually, I became busy with all the logistics that came with relocating. He’d check up on me to see how I was doing and he’d tell me to stay strong. He promised to visit me once he gets a passport. We made serious plans for him to see me next summer. I told him I had booked tickets home for Christmas. The check-ins became less frequent as time went on.
And after a while, we just stopped talking. We both became busy with our lives. Months had passed. At first, I was angry. How could he just stop talking to me? Was there someone else? I realized I had no reason to be angry at him. I was halfway around the world. Just as he wasn’t reaching out, neither was I. Both of us were being stubborn and neither one was taking initiative, so whose fault was it really? Maybe he just moved on with his life, and I should too.
One day, I saw that he posted a story on Facebook. Not just any story, but one about the Dodgers. He was trashing them as they didn’t make it to the World Series. He knew full well that I was a fan. I thought he did this to take a jab at me since we stopped talking. It was petty. It had been months already, still, I replied to his story. Then he hit me with something along the lines of,
“We don’t even talk anymore and you reach out only to comment about the Dodgers”
Well. He wasn’t wrong. He went on to tell me that he’s been trying to call me, how every call has been going to voicemail, and how he didn’t want to interfere with my studies.
This was news to me. We brielfy caught up and eventually went back to our regular FaceTime sessions. I reminded him I’d be home soon, as Christmas wasn’t very far away at this point. Excited, I went out andd bought him a souvenir. The thought of seeing him again made me excited.
A new COVID variant was on the rise around the time I flew back to LA. To be honest, I was surprised my flight wasn’t canceled. I got my booster and celebrated Christmas with family as soon as I arrived. I brought gifts for friends, some I saw, others either canceled or had quick, socially distanced meetups with masks on. Some I just wasn’t able to see.
He asked if I was available for lunch, as he’d be able to swing by, just like old times. Shit, I thought.
My sister was coming over. I’ll have time some other day though. “I can’t. Can we do later in the week?”, I texted him back, thinking there’s still New Years. “Sure,” he said.
I soon realized ten days back home weren’t enough. Time was running out and my jet lag was taking a toll. New Years quickly rolled around and my friends from SF were in town. It became apparent I wasn’t going to be able to see him. Plans came up and he didn’t know that I was going to fly back on New Years Day. I ended up spending NYE in my friend’s skyrise texting a very angry lover. I suggested he could come pick me up so we could see each other. He refused, upset that I didn’t let him know sooner I’d be gone by sunrise.
I got home around 2am that morning. He begged to Uber me to his place. I couldn’t, I hadn’t packed. I threw whatever I could find into my suitcase and slept for a few hours. When I arrived at the airport, I sent him a text apologizing for not being able to see him and how I should’ve planned everything better. Then I got on a plane back to Sweden. I haven’t heard from him since.
I probably should’ve seen him for lunch earlier that week. His souvenir was still giftwrapped under the Christmas tree. I just don’t know when, or even if he’ll ever receive it. Maybe we just left each other behind in 2021.
