Let’s Teach Our Little Girls to Be Kind, Not Nice

When I was growing up in the ’90s, little girls were either naughty or nice. There was no in-between.

The title of “nice” was bestowed upon girls who listened to parents and teachers. Who did what adults said to do, no questions asked, and otherwise sat with their hands folded in their laps. Who put everyone else’s desires and expectations above their own.

Naughty girls, on the other hand, asked too many questions. Caused a ruckus. Honored the big, messy feelings inside themselves, whether they were convenient for other people or not.

I would know. I’ve been both.

Everyone around me told me I was one of the naughty ones

Then I developed a dissociative disorder. Suddenly, I was exactly what society wanted me to be. Sure, I couldn’t feel emotions or bodily sensations, but at least everyone approved of me: the quiet, logical, calm little girl who abandoned herself to serve others.

I wish someone had told me there was a middle ground — a state of being that allowed me to consider both my needs and the needs of others, and choose the action that (in the long run) would have the…