I don’t know why I feel that if I haven’t done enough, I don’t deserve to eat. It feels like a punishment for me. Whenever I do something, I have to ask myself, “Do I deserve this?” and if the answer is no, I end up punishing myself for not doing well. I replay every shortcoming, every missed opportunity, and convince myself that this self-imposed suffering is justified.
Maybe it’s a cycle that I couldn’t escape. Throughout my entire life, I used to believe that I didn’t deserve nice things because I was paying for the failures I’d had.
The trauma of constantly needing to excel and meet their expectations in order to praise myself — that’s when I would allow myself to find joy, to feel happy because I had accomplished something great. But life isn’t always about winning, is it?
Yes, life isn’t always about winning. Failure serves as proof that you’re alive, that you’re trying. You are human, and being human means bearing the success and failure of life. So when things start to get tough again, remember that you are not defined by your failure.
In a world that often celebrates only the victories, it’s easy to overlook the beauty in failure. Yet, it’s in those moments of vulnerability that we discover our true strength. It’s when we dare to embrace failure as part of the journey that we realize it’s not the end but merely a stepping stone to grow in life.
So, in those moments when you feel the world is too heavy, when each breath seems like a burden, I hope you’ll stop starving yourself. I hope you’ll allow yourself the grace to eat, to rest, to gather strength for the days ahead. And consider this: even the tallest trees need sustenance from the same earth that cradles their roots. They don’t flourish by denying themselves the rain; they grow by embracing it, taking in what they need without question.
You deserve good things even if you feel like you haven’t excelled in everything. Stop being so hard on yourself.
Have the courage to step out of your room once more, and eat without carrying the weight of guilt for not feeling enough.
