Post Graduation Move for My Boyfriend
What I learned by moving from Florida to Illinois for a relationship
To give some context, this move wasn’t the crazy part of our relationship.
Michael and I met while we were studying abroad in New Zealand. We were on the same library tour on campus, our very first day in the country. We essentially fell in love immediately and started dating while on spring break in Fiji a month later. That was the easy part of our relationship, the days where reality was something that we waved at as it passed by. We frolicked in Hobbit fields and ate plenty of second breakfasts together during our four months abroad. We even decided to live in a van for a month at the very end of it before flying home. Destined to go to our separate states.
Fast forward past 8 months of long distance, and we were at my graduation day. I graduated a year early, while Michael still had a year left. We had two options, I could move to Illinois or we could continue to be long distance. We knew that if we continued long distance we would have no savings left from blowing them on flights. So, I packed away my swimwear and shorts, headed towards the frozen tundra of Illinois.
This past year has been full of ups and downs. There is nothing like being able to be in the same city as the person you love after month of long distance. However, there tends to be a lot of confusion about why someone would ever move from such a warm, beautiful state to a “wasteland” as the locals love to call it.
“I moved here for my boyfriend”
There is always an awkward response when people find out that I moved from Florida. Usually the words are heaved on me, “why would you ever do that? Go back, you made the wrong choice. ” I think people don’t realize that they are criticizing one of the biggest decisions of your life to your face when they say these things. Then when I tell them that it’s because of my boyfriend, there is a smile of, “I hope he’s worth it or he should have moved there.” I think that there is an expectation that we would be married before I moved here. However, I do not regret the decision and I don’t wish that we were married before I moved here. I couldn’t imagine being long distance any longer than we were and then trying to plan a wedding on top of it. Life is about making these big risks, where would anyone be if they didn’t take a chance on love? *cue Mama Mia soundtrack*
Create your own life
If I was to give one suggestion to someone that is moving to their significant other’s hometown, it would be to create your own life. It can be incredibly easy to fall into your partner’s patterns, only be with their friends and follow their schedule. Michael and I have very similar hobbies so when I first came here, I was game for everything he had going on. He invited me to all his events, we were on a high of getting to spend time together. I however became exhausted fast. I realized that I didn’t want to forever be known as only “Michael’s girlfriend.” At first I was ridden with worry, why don’t I want to go to everything he does?
Post-graduation is a time of figuring out what you actually like to do. When you move to a new city, you have to fight to make friends and find new hobbies. In college you can just meet people by joining clubs, study groups, and talking to peers after class. I graduated and was hit with the fact that I had to pursue friendships like a weight loss plan. As a slight introvert, that is a daunting task so it was just easier to be around Michael and his friends. This wasn’t creating a health balance though. You have to actually step out of your comfort zone in order to form healthy relationships apart from each other. It is incredibly easy to not show up to things, but it doesn’t build up your network at all.
It’s Okay to Be Homesick
One thing that I always felt so guilty about was feeling homesick. I didn’t feel like I could vent to anyone up here about it either because they either were from here and didn’t understand or I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. I felt such a longing for normalcy and for the ocean that I was beginning to collapse a little.
One day I finally came out and told Michael how I was feeling. He sweetly responded with, “I’m surprised it took you this long to feel it.” It was a gratifying and weight lifting conversation. You don’t have to fit in right away or know where you are driving the first week that you get there. It took a lot of self convincing to feel okay with being homesick. The people aren’t going to be the same as you are used to but thats okay. Even though they don’t have the same experiences, a lot of them are very willing to love you for where you have been and accept you into their community. Being homesick doesn’t mean that you are in the wrong place, it’s such an adjustment that comes with change.
Embrace the Unknown
I am a person that absolutely loves to travel and explore new things. I have always dreamed of living abroad in a foreign country just to learn the language and culture. I seek out places that I am unfamiliar with. However, when the unknown didn’t look like cobblestone streets or smell like fresh bread, I didn’t know what to do. I always imagined that when I moved out of Florida it would be to somewhere just as beautiful, not to suburbs filled with passive aggressive soccer moms and Chicago commuters. I didn’t know how to feel, I crave adventure but when the journey wasn’t how I pictured it, I felt lost. However, there are niches in every location. So many towns have what I do love, I found the coffee shops, the farmers markets, and the trails to run on. While the culture and scenery wasnt what I imagined, I had to find my place in the unknown.
Moving out of everything I have known for my boyfriend has had a number of highs and lows, however I wouldn’t change it for the world. One day we will look back on this time and feel so happy for this time of growth. Even though it can be incredibly scary to move for someone, it can be worth it for every reason.
