The Crisis at Hand
Fellow Americans, we face a dire threat to our way of life. The closure of 24-hour Walmart stores is not just an inconvenience—it's an assault on our freedom, our economy, and our very identity as a nation.
Remember the good old days when you could buy a fishing rod, a gallon of milk, and a set of tires at 3 AM? Pepperidge Farm remembers, and so do we!
Take action now: Sign our petition to make 24-hour Walmart a constitutional right!
Why 24/7 Walmart Matters:
- Convenience for night owls, early birds, and freedom-loving insomniacs
- Emergency supplies available round-the-clock (because disasters don't check store hours)
- More jobs for our community (Make Employment Great Again!)
- Reduced crowding during peak hours (social distancing before it was cool)
- Because we can't let the socialists win (Karl Marx hated 24-hour shopping)
- Boost to the economy (nothing says capitalism like midnight impulse buying)
- Preserve the American Dream™ of buying anything, anytime
Experience the Late Night Shopping Rush!
Can you collect all the items before Walmart closes? Play our game and feel the urgency of why we need 24-hour Walmart!
Low score? Imagine if you had all night to shop! Sign our petition to make every night a shopping night!
The Walmart Patriot's Pledge
I solemnly swear to support and defend the right of all Americans to shop at ungodly hours. I promise to buy unnecessary items at 2 AM, to wander the aisles aimlessly in the dead of night, and to never rest until every Walmart is open 24/7/365. So help me Sam Walton.
Take the pledge by signing our petition!
Testimonials from True Patriots
"I met my wife in the automotive section of Walmart at 4 AM. If it wasn't 24 hours, our beautiful family wouldn't exist. Think of the children!" - John D., Heartland, USA
"As a night shift worker, 24-hour Walmart was my only source of human interaction. Now I'm forced to talk to my cats." - Sarah P., Nightowl City
The Liberal Agenda Exposed
Why do they really want to close Walmart at night? To force us all into their mandatory 8-hour sleep programs! Wake up, sheeple! (But not between 10 PM and 6 AM when Walmart is closed)
Take Action Now!
- Sign our petition to make 24-hour Walmart a constitutional right
- Call your representatives and demand Walmart stimulus checks
- Organize midnight rallies in Walmart parking lots (BYO tiki torches)
- Spread the word with our hashtag: #WalmartNeverSleeps