Control
August 30, 2024 by Nick
Failure seeing what I can and can't control can be a punishment on its own. Because people think that if we group together and demand fair and just treatment to anyone or anything we're unstoppable. But what if were in an environment where it's small, little, barely nothing going on?
Plus, in a place like a small town, everyone keeps to themselves, and never gave a fuck about the world issues. Just so long as the same people who created our politics, don't touch their lifestyle, especially in their own industries they maintain.
However, seeing dead bodies, cities being bombed with civilians living in them can be too hard to ignore, especially when an algorithm thinks you like it too much, as for me, it's mentally exhausting, I don't have money in my pocket for these GoFundMe's, but what I do have is seconds, and I gave it already. The fact that we see this now, especially how the world reacts, since it's obviously a lot would die, soldiers are thugs, and their politicians are bent over crooked. I feel numb, angry, and at the same time, just want it to end.
I have no control over things that are beyond me, neither in that situation, but I don't want to just watch this unfold in front of my eyes and once all is done, some people would blame others like me for not taking action. What am I supposed to do when I asked how?! What do I do?! Should I JUST LISTEN TO YOU AND SUCK IT UP LIKE I AM ALREADY DOING?
SEEING THINGS THAT I COULDN'T CONTROL BUT I WANTED TO MAKES ME NUMB AND GIVE UP ON LIFE, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO PERPETUATE THE INFORMATION RALLY. THEIR AGRESSION IS ENOUGH FOR ME TO BREAK THINGS IN MY ROOM, ESPECIALLY WHEN I HAVE NO ONE TO COUNT ON, AND TO LEAN ON.
I'm an artist, an entertainer, a comedian, cook, pioneer, engineer, media man, and I'm sick and tired of all this. My dream foremost is to leave a legacy behind, and not in a shy way, but in a big wave. I want to be the one who succeeds far beyond what being viral has made me, I want to be the one who is there, I want to grow old with a family I have made, with a wife who didn't come from my country, who loves me much and is there.
Watching them spread information and expect me to suck it up bothers me, this is current junk, I don't care about all these people so long as they know me, and are my fans who support me through, I won't care until I experience what it's like with these idiots.
While biding my time being numb in bed, suffering from hell watching guys and girls on TikTok say "murdered civilians in Gaza", I actually contracted nasopharyngeal cancer, it's a cancer in the nose, and at the back of my neck, it's those cancers that's treatable, and tumors like it runs in my family in different ways.
For the morons like Lucius, Isobel, and those 2 Arab guys who doesn't care about men's mental health, and how their viewers can recuperate from sucking it up, have a heart, literally.
I'm sorry but I just can't help it.