The Failure of #FreeTheNipple
Until men evolve to have breasts, those globs of flesh will never be desexualized.
I do not wear bras. One of the perks of being in the small-chested club is you can forgo those metal-wired medieval torture devices invented by designers who failed physics. (Seriously, why can’t anyone invent a bra that doesn’t contain the same material used in an elevator shaft?)
But during the summer, fabrics are sheer, and nights are chilly. So, I behave and slap on self-adhesive “boob tape” until my tits are wrapped up enough to resemble a no-entry crime scene.
Before I go out, I will ask my teenage daughter one vitally important existentialist question, “Can you see my nipples?”
She always laughs and shouts, “#FreeTheNipple, Mom!!!”
It’s a running joke between us because we realize the ridiculousness of finding feminist liberation by flashing our breasts.
Brace yourself. Bad feminist opinion coming…
#FreeTheNipple was the dumbest and most pointless feminist movement in the history of feminism.
In case you missed this women’s liberation historical footnote, the #FreeTheNipple campaign began in 1992 when New York resident Ramona Santorelli filed a case claiming toplessness was…
