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Date:Early July
Mood: Man.
July Prog
Considering how messy the OG journal is now I’m considering making another one for the rest of the year, let’s see how long I keep this up before I cancel it entirely.
Here's the link for the new journal
New Journal
I've been getting a lot of photos of my sketchbooks for my gallery page.
I'm looking through and I've only got a few years left of sketchbooks, my art style really took a hit after the pandemic and it's definitely degraded a LOT. Also I had a lot of ideas centered on this one OC story that are scattered all over the place without context and a bunch of fanart of various things but for some reason I just??? labeled characters as if they were a part of the OC story??? when they're all copyrighted? my teenage self was stupid. Also there's pen marks everywhere, no clue what I was doing when I did that.
i've been deleting things like i did with that pinterest thing with all the fashion i like because I have a serious data hoarding problem where I see something cool I want to reference and go "I want to draw that" and then I never do, like a liar.
it's a lot easier on my tablet than my phone... least I always keep everything in albums to keep my interests nailed into one spot.
this is probably better than having to mentally parse through everything, i just pick the "best ones" and toss out the others like i did with my phone where I just purged everything from the past few years mnus this one becasue it was sarting to become my own mental cognitive curse like there were a lot of ff14 images and stuff but Im not playing as much anymore
i'd like to thank the game, because it pretty much got me through the pandemic and campus, but it also kind of murdered my college social life, which is so so. i would've likely done that by myself but the game and parts of the community became my vehicle to avoid IRL. now that i'm home and the wifi is shit and my PC is also shit I can't use it as much. thanks for the memories though.
clean drawing slate 2024 baby!!
Sometimes I forget that there's a whole BG divorce saga happening with one of my relatives except for the fact that they're living in the house with the rest of the family and eating food and like taking care of the lawn and stuff and I'm starting to think they're a permanent resident because there has been 0 development on that story aside from the supermodel baby which is insane to think about. Just this year i've dealt with wisdom teeth surgery, home renovations, the graduation party from hell, and this has been happening like some kind of sitcom background gag which it is because of how there's just two people in my family who are eccentric high middle class rich weirdoes where one has a big ass mansion and the other has a bunch of random ass nude paintings all over the house. The hell graduation party was especially funny because during prep one cousin was like "you sound like a deepfried online social media board forum user redditor tumblr type" and I was like "why do you know what they sound like" and neither of us wanted to follow up on it. I'm hoping to be less like that but I don't think it's working.
Being in my 20s and living at my home is a living hell.
i happened to overhear a conversation from my residence and it’s like now they think oh “my lectures are crucifying and it’s my responsibility to be truthful every time and I don’t care how you feel” but it’s not like I get anything good compliment wise because the way I constantly get backslapped means I don’t believe you when you compliment me
It’s not about accepting failure because the way you have it set up is that somehow I’m always hitting some kind of invisible footwire of failure even when I’m minding my own business
I’m not the child they wanted to raise to be their perfect obidient 100% smart normal money maker and they spend every waking moment reminding me of it by saying that I have to be more normal and prepared for the real world but also locking me in the home majority of the day doing studying and studying ahead
I never asked to go outside because the answer would’ve been no by default and I don’t ask for anything unless it’s extremely necessary because I know it’s not worth asking
I’ve been called a people pleaser but
I was taught to give up what I wanted to comply to what other people wanted and desired and now they’re resentful when I don’t want to make my own choices or voice my own opinion
Why bother
No one’s listening.
some people shouldn’t have had children and I shouldn’t have had free will because obviously I’m doing it wrong
I’m shamed for existing. Every single holiday has this dead air where I understand my other parent's need to be alone because nobody wants to be around each other when I have to tiptoe around every interaction and constantly be this emotional punching bag.
This smoked salmon at the house tastes like ham and I don't understand why. Things have quieted down a bit here on the site aside from a few minor pepper'd in stealth updates, and that's because I now have the very long task of meticiously looking through 13 binders/sketchbooks worth of drawings from 2016-2023 to evaluate and decide which of these gets to be "in" the website. Maybe my one OC person whose longrunning project was flattened by the pandemic, my inexplicable comic skills, completely bizzare expressions? "The pandemic didn't have an effect on people" vs "I started actively posting on shitty websites like just because it didn't have an effect on you doesn't mean it didn't cause other people to do stupid shit" and I can tell there was a visible effect because of the way I start ranting like a madman on multiple pages with absolutely awful handwriting and how I notably kept getting more weird until I got sucked into the FF14 hole.
By definition I’m completely and utterly trained “head empty no thoughts no independence” where the moment I’m not told explicitly what to do I just default to doing nothing because the minute I want to do something then I’m needed to do 20 billion different things
I sincerely hope having a job isn’t the exact same way otherwise I’m going to start screaming. I’m signing up for all sorts of events and alumni websites because if I do anything that’s not job hunting related in the slightest oh, I get in trouble for that too, huh.
I should probably LINK everything properly first if I'm being honest, but I still need to work on properly cleaning up the findings page and it looks like a mess, the cohost link transfer fucked everything up HTML wise but thankfully never underestimate my lazy ass logging back in so I can extract the links faster or I could just steal the code too, it's my tumblr blog lmao
Listened to: Japanese jazz/fusion self-titled album by Sunburst (サンバースト), released in 1980. Sacbé - Sacbé (1977) Nobonoko- Music for Animal Cafes Skil-Morning Coffee (Retrowave/City Pop) I'm only listing the full albums I randomly get from youtube.
Media: The person who’s paying for the stuff is cutting out Hulu and paramount + because that shit’s pricy so it’s back to the seven seas for me. Understandable they really did just recreate cable. I don’t even know what I watched on either of those outside of JJK and Sandland. What did i even do in June I snuck in episodes of jjba s2 and finished it Not much else. I was made for the 13 to 26 episode show format... I should go back to my gurren watching. I dropped it because netflix REMOVED it while I was watching it.
Korra Season 2:
What if there was a “dark avatar” sounds like a fanfiction scenario but like no it’s official
I saw a guy turn into a giant spirit monster with elemental powers and kill off the cycle like that isn’t an inherently franchise killing thing
So like i said in my tweets about it I was like “that’s a series finale thing, not something for season 2…”
It feels like they had way too many cooks of plots for this one but a problem is that I kinda don't care for whatever romance thing they're going with or the movie plot and it's like "hurry up I want to see korra do things". Basically, I think them having less episodes means these plots feel way more annoying to get through even though they're important, I just feel like they're overprioritized even if they are contributing to the plot.
ngl I haven't even started season 3 and even I was like "korra should've plugged the hole" because why would you let the villain convince you that they were doing a good when all other evidence was pointing to that being bad?!
you not wanting to do your job of being the literal bridge between worlds does not mean someone else has to pick up the slack!!
FGO no summons aside from summon tickets and FP has been going slow because I'm doing that thing where I hoard summon tickets before summoning because by the time I finish there's not gonna be enough time to summon on a summer banner so I've been using the story banner which was a godawful idea. I'm probably gonna get some random 5 star card instead of a unit. Remember when Dragalia lost had the cards/prints in the summon pool instead of just units? That sucked. Unfortunately it happened to come at the same time as 7th anniversary archetype earth/so I may have used a single pull for her which immediately broke my self imposed rule. I didn’t get her. I may summon… once. I got Martha which I think is the game telling me to go find the lord but I’ve also lost that ability too after years of being raised in a house where religion was used to justify everything I don’t believe in that either which is really funny because someone close to me is basically a church nun but also facing like the dilemma of 5 guys pining after them at the same time. Quite frankly I wouldn’t be in that situation.
I’ve also gotten sucked back into my Light novel Isekai villaness death flag promotional manga student magic merchant trading that get canned within 3 volumes hell. The types that are like 3 sentences long in the title. Basically it’s a trite oversaturated market where you read one and essentially read all of them because they take advantage of meta foreknowledge to make alliances and change the plot. Most of them are based on VNs or novels or dating sims. Or you end up reincarnated as the saint… for every RPG party Isekai smart magician banished from party revenge fantasy glazing/gassing up/ overhyping there is a villaness Isekai banished to countryside story that has the exact same setup. Anyways I just read one where the villaness wasn’t isekai’d and she just punched the shit out of people. It’s basically the manga equivalent of junk food where you turn off your brain. the frankenstein of slop is definitely something I'm eventually going to hit where it's someone combing through all the popular ideas to make the big one and i feel like I almost got that with the anthology because that one just hits 1 to 1 nearly every trope of them all condensed into an almost parody format but it was 100% legitimate.
one thing I haven't gotten into yet are long strips because I don't like that they're phone centric which makes them tedious to use on a laptop.
Tomodachi Life threw a goddamn curveball because one of my non pokemon protagonist OCs got a boyfriend. It’s one of the Reds on the island. I feel like having multiple copies of the same character would be dumb but it’s still proving to be fun because all of them have different friend groups still. I honestly thought the OC was going to reject him because the other friend she has is a guy who she still hangs out with but no one showed up so I guess that’s a thing now. I just saw Leaf try to set up Gold and Miku to date. The 3DS wiped the save but the replacement pokemon island is full of equally as weird shit in comparison to the old OCs.
I'm thinking of going back to playing earthbound sometime this month in between other shit
in this irony filled era the original advertisements of earthbound saying "this game stinks" would make it sell
Watching speedrun summary videos and there’s something incredible about speedrunner names being taken completely seriously so I’ll be listening to the story of fartlord only to be floored by the cowboy world record holder reveal
Naruto filler in part 1 is actively brain numbing to me which is good for the job hunting shit but when I watched bleach and immediately hit the bount arc it was like a psychic shield hit me in the face that made me say “this shits a filler arc” where I immediately bounced because Netflix didn’t have the rest of the seasons
Anyways the one podcast I somewhat semi watch that has watched bleach were actively attacked by Jin Kariya’s vibes so I understand that I made a good choice so I’m skipping that if I ever get back to bleach.
Naruto’s fine because I understand that naruto needs to fight random ass ninjas. And there’s some decent ideas like Hinata’s bug attack but I guess that’s not canon. lmao he farted
sometimes you can find great things from things that were absolutely disregarded and discarded.
Trying to keep this shit canon relevant is hilarious because Rock Lee will be like “this random ass guy burying people alve might be connected to Itachi which means Sasuke” like Naruto didn’t spend multiple episodes chasing a bug. I miss land of waves, that was probably my favorite early arc.
It’s a lot better in general to watch all sorts of different things in order to better understand your tastes and further develop your world and knowledge instead of pidgeonholing yourself into one thing. If you don’t like a thing, try to understand why, and then try to understand the creators intent as to why they put it there. This will help you grow your own opinion.
Or you could just be me and say “that shit sucks” and watch other things (that was sarcasm.)
watching/playing things from other places that weren't made in mind with certain values and cultures and then getting mad when they don't reflect a specific value and culture is a common internet phenomena. especially if it's an older product like goddamn, the amount of people who get mad at something that's heavily outdated is almost circular because sometimes the arguments they have are the same ones that have been going since the fandom started which is nuts. i think there's something to be said about how most social media is basically in a bubble where the most popular opinion is the loudest one and if you have a dissent for it then you have the wrong opinion and it's bad. Unfortunately nowadays the kind of opinion where I say "hey this wasn't made specifically for this exact time period where things are clearly different from what was the norm at the time" is lumped in with the same types of freaky weirdos who call people "tourists" which is really something I do not want to be associated with.
what even is a media literacy check anymore. do we even have symbolism? great gatsby's green light could just be a green light. those curtains were just blue, you know? death to the author and all that. Are we putting too much stock into media products? No, no, you just need to sell more. It's all so tiresome. this isn't even about anything in particular, I just had this thought.
Being an observer makes me tired. I don't even want to know what it would be like to actively participate in internet fights. Gotta lot of free time to do something like that when I can't even muster up the motivation to do things I actually want to do.
I want to watch evangelion.
you know how I've been watching naruto and fundamentally understanding like every single piece of interent culture and various memes like it's become a cultural rosetta stone for me the way that DBZ is like globally
well it's like that but for the subset of memes that are like "my bitch wife who wants to watch orange but I want to watch blue"
there are many subsets of things that end up buried under years of culture and discourse and in order for you to watch anything you have to throw out the preconceived notions of what has been dictated by the public
from what little i understand, this is a show that will inherently make you uncomfortable if you place yourself into the shoes of the characters and i've noted that the more a media is inherently about the uncomfortable things of humanity and things that make people absolutely horrified are the ones that also the ones that get some of the funniest memes because people want to distract themselves from the existentialism and then it also gets doused in like 15 layers of deep fried irony.
that being said
"shinji crank that soulja boy."