Chapter Text
**✧✿^▿✧◕*.✧**
She always felt queasy before performing on stage. It hadn't ever been so bad during her teenage years. But it'd gotten worse as she grew older. Even more so after she got the forsaken scar across her face.
Utahime did what she always did over the years. She took in a long deep breath and let it out as slowly as she could. Hoping her co-performers wouldn't notice. She wasn't part of a group like most idols were. She was a popstar too. If there was any difference between the two in her eyes. Her manager, Tsukumo Yuki believed there was anyway. Yuki had created the company which she worked under known as Star P. She mostly received requests to join and co-perform with other small or even younger idol groups.
She didn't mind.
Though she didn't enjoy the fact that they always wanted her to be at the center. To attract the attention of the crowd. She used to love dancing and singing infront of people. To be the center of attention. But now she didn't like it as before. Because people didn't come to look at her beauty anymore.
They came to criticize her...
That her scar was too ghastly. That she should do surgery on it. That she was too old for this at twenty four. That she was a grandma amongst the younger teens around her. That she was used goods. That she was bland. Too conservative.
That she was plain...
Naive
Mei Mei, her stylist slash personal trainer and Shoko, the assistant manager had done their best with damage control on social media. She didn't blame them. They did everything they could.
But it wasn't like they could hide the truth forever.... She wasn't a perfect party girl. If anything, she was terribly introverted. And didn't even know how she had come this far. Performing since she was sixteen. Maybe it was because she had a talent for singing and dancing.
Utahime believed this performance today would be her last. It was embarrassing but she planned to—
"Utahime..." Shoko's voice startled her out of her wild raging thoughts. She blinked a few times. Trying her best to adjust to the flickering lights. She was required on stage. And she was sure Shoko noticed she was spiralling again and came to her aid before she dwelled in her rather sordid thoughts.
Shoko was dressed in a cream trenchcoat. Left unbuttoned over a dark blue cashmere sweater and black jeans. Shoko always gave off the casual vibe. Which was nice. And sweet even though her assistant manager and best friend always denied such claims with her cold exterior. She assumed Mei Mei was conversing with the new security team which would be starting work today. After incident that marred her face, her best friends were very skeptical and devoted to anything concerning her safety.
Is why they'd hired the highest rated security company to work for her. Even said she'd be getting a bodyguard for her safety. It had been a year since the humiliating encounter with a stalker who had cornered her with a knife and hurt her terribly. And a total of six months since her last official performance. Thankfully, her old friend, Nanami Kento had visited her then apartment to check on her. And thankfully, saved her from loosing her life and innocence. Even though she'd lost something else.
Her dignity
And her happiness...
And peace of mind.
She was yet to meet her new bodyguard. But hoped he wasn't too big. Or imposing. She feared huge men. Because she was a rather short woman. Her only saving grace being her feminine curves which reminded a few people she wasn't infact underaged.
Utahime didn't even realize when she'd stepped on the grand stage. The lights almost blinding her as she proceeded to dance to the starting beat. Giving her biggest. Realest looking smile and singing her heart out.
Hoping noone would notice how sad and truly alone she felt. Hoping noone would see the despair in her brown eyes.
But he saw it...
*
Satoru gazed at the stage with a lackluster expression. Casually leaning into the railing above the mass crowd filling out the auditorium. The best seat in the house. Unfortunately, he wasn't here to watch the performance. He was here on business. Yaga had gotten into a contract with the firm which oversaw the famous Pop Idol, Iori Utahime. Commonly referred to as 'Songstress' by her fans. Especially those otaku kids who bought her body pillows and worshipped her.
It was safe to say, he was a sort of otaku himself. If not, he wouldn't have known so much about her besides the rumours flying around her pretty little head. And he wouldn't have offered to take the job as her personal body guard.
Contrary to the picture that the public had of her image, Utahime looked very much unhappy. He could see it from this far up in the large hall. He could see it on the huge projectors. The sadness in her brown eyes. That didn't match the enthusiastic smile on her face. Normally, if he was a few years younger, he'd have grown stupidly aroused by just watching her perform in this public place. He was still sort of attracted to her. Obviously. A crush he'd allowed to stew for over six years. But now, he noticed things he wouldn't have if he was just a horny teenager jerking off to the sound of her voice on his mp3 player at two in the morning.
He noticed she didn't have the same spirit she used to.
Among the six other girls behind her, Utahime stood out. She was beautiful. Gorgeous. Sexy if he might add. They were dressed in furry costumes. Taking up different cute animals. Dogs. Cats. Hamsters. And the likes of them. But what had his full attention was the Bunny at the center of it all.
Utahime.
Dressed in a lovely red tutu dress. Which ended just above her mid thighs. Highlighted with intricate black lace over the fitted off-the-shoulder bodice. Her creamy arms covered with elbow length black gloves. And her legs in knee length black boots that stretched tightly over her skin. The black rabbit ears hanging and flopping on her dark mass of hair made his head spin. She was so cute. And adorable. No wonder people didn't notice how sad she was. They only cared about her appearance and the rich sound of her voice anyway. He hissed through his teeth when she turned around and flashed a cute fluffy bunny tail just above her round ass.
He wondered how she'd look in blue...
He needed to focus.
Willing his erection to subside, he turned on his phone and checked for new messages.
"Satoru..." He grinned when he heard his name. Turning on his heel to find his best friend tying his long dark hair back into a low ponytail. Suguru, like him was dressed in an all black suit. Helping them both blend into the shadows without anyone's knowledge.
"Suguru..." Satoru nodded. Running a hand through his messy white locks and adjusting his shades.
"Can't believe you still wear sunshades inside..."
"Can't believe you haven't cut your bangs..." He retorted maliciously. Stuffing his hands into his pockets and resting his back on the railing. With his head turned to the side, he could still his Songstress dancing and singing on the bright stage. She was safe.
"Not like the ladies mind them..." Suguru stood beside him. Facing the blinding lights. "She's pretty in person too..." He smirked. And burst into a full blown laugh when he heard Satoru growl.
"I know... I know... She's yours... Caveman... Was just stating facts..." He chuckled through a snort. Mirth in his dark eyes shone like gold. He was teasing Satoru on purpose. Because only he know how deeply obsessed he was with Iori Utahime.
"The others?..." Satoru asked after the other well trained members of the security team. They were five in number. According to Yaga, his best men of the TM Security Company.
"Fushiguro's backstage... Naoya's somewhere near the entryway.... The Kamo kid's with Yuki... apparently she enjoys teasing'em..."
It was safe to say that Utahime's manager had put in a huge sum to have all five of them working under her. He and Suguru were most sought after. He didn't really care why. As long as they got the job done. Fushiguro Toji was huge. Imposing and very skilled. He was ex-military anyway so it was a given. Naoya was about their age. Though he was almost as arrogant as Satoru. His downside was his record of mixing business with pleasure. Kamo Choso was new. But got the job done pretty well for a nineteen year old. Satoru believed it was admirable that he worked so hard to take care of his siblings.
Satoru was an only child after all.
"Poor kid..." He snorted when he remembered how a dark red flush had burned across Choso's cheeks when Yuki had asked the type of women he liked. Highlighting the dark tattoo across his face.
They agreed in unison as the stage lights dimmed. Signalling the end of the concert. Suguru gave Satoru a knowing look when he pushed off the railing and headed straight for the stairs.
"Want an autograph?..." He called after him. And Satoru shrugged not slowing down even when he called back.
"Maybe..."
Backstage was a mess. The younger co-performers and make-up artists wouldn't stop fucking staring at him. At least it helped him locate Utahime. By flashing a quick smile and batting his long lashes at the poor blushing lady who thought he was interested in her, he was able to deduce that she wasn't in her changing room.
He had a feeling something was wrong. The cameras didn't catch it but Utahime stumbled a bit when heading backstage. He quickened his steps. Heading for the Janitor's stairwell leading the roof with purpose.
And when he got to the door leading to the roof, his breath caught in his throat.
There she was. Shoes and gloves discarded . Standing near the edge. The night autumn breeze billowing through her hair and dress. He saw her shiver. Even with her back facing him.
She was about to take a step forward.
God fucking damnit...
"I wouldn't do that... Bunny-senpai..." He drawled. And was relieved when he noticed her stiffen and step back a bit in surprise. Heat flooding her cheeks when she realized she'd been caught trying to commit suicide.
"Who—who are y-you?!..." It came out like a gasp. Turned to face him. Her little hands hiding behind her back like a child hiding stolen candy.
He approached her slowly. "A friend..."
"I don't know you..."
"Doesn't mean we can't be friends, Princess..." He grinned. Glad he was able to hide the fear from his voice.
"Why?..." She already had tears streaming down her cheeks. If he was upset by her crying, he didn't show it. Instead, he continued to speak to her. Inching closer without her noticing.
"Why not?..." His offhanded comment startled her. She looked away immediately. Trying but failing to wipe the tears spilling over her cheeks.
She was about to speak. To give so many reasons why she wasn't fit for any sort of friend. Why she wasn't the perfect Songstress everyone said she was. Why it was all a lie. But a sob broke through her lips. Her shoulders trembling violently. She was freezing. She took a step back. Forgetting her back was to the ledge now. Tripping because there wasn't any surface behind her. Satoru didn't waste even a second. He pushed forward as quickly as he could. Gripped her wrist firmly and tugged as hard as he could. Immediately pulling her into his chest. Pushing him backwards until his back hit the ground with a soft thud.
"Thank fuck!..." He grunted. Sagging in relief. She was splayed over his chest. Her little hands fisting the lapels of his jacket while she sobbed into the crook of his neck.
"I'm s-sorry..." She cried. Upset for causing trouble for this kind stranger who had saved her from her foolishness. During her performance on stage, she felt suffocated. After, she felt worse. Going against Shoko's advice to never check comments on social media right after performing.
She had checked them.
And they broke her heart.
A few were good. Positive comments about how much her fans had missed her. But most were trash talk. Haters.
"So she's back after hiding away for six months..."
"Bet it's cause she isn't pretty anymore..."
"She should act her age and stop dancing with children..."
"She's dressed like a wh *re..."
"Songstress?... More like a loose legged crone..."
"The stalker with the knife could'a finished the f*cking job anyway..."
"Shhh... S'alright, Sweetheart... I'm here..." He kissed her temple. His hand stroking through her dark violet hair. Threading through the soft locks gently. Squeezing his eyes shut when he realized his hands were trembling too. He struggled to keep his breaths under control. He'd been so fucking scared. If he had wasted even a second—Fuck!
"I—" Her voice broke.
"I know... Let it all out, Honey... I don't mind..." Just hearing his words. The gentleness in them forced her to release harsh gut wrenching sobs that wracked her chest. She clung to him desperately while bawling her eyes out.
Crying for the girl who had worked hard to rise to the top.
For the woman who had been hurt...
The little girl who wanted to be a star...
For the happiness she had lost...
She cried until it subsided into little whimpers against Satoru's chest. And he held her through it all. Saying she was doing so well. That she was so strong and beautiful. That she was his idol.
And it was the first time Utahime didn't feel alone after so long. She hoped and prayed desperately that he wouldn't leave. Even though he was a stranger, he had saved her from doing something so stupid. And hadn't insulted her for it. Hadn't yelled at her. He just held her carefully. Like she was the most precious thing. Until her exhaustion won over and she fell into a deep blissful sleep for the first time in years.
*
Utahime woke up feeling warm and comfortable. Her eyes fluttered open but widened immediately she didn't recognize the room she was resting in. This wasn't her hotel room that they'd booked the previous day before her concert.
"Morning, Princess..." That voice. She stiffened. That was when the events of the previous night rushed back so quickly her head began to spin. He had saved her life. If he hadn't been there... She wouldn't have been here today either. Utahime shivered. She hadn't really looked at him the night before. Her vision had been blurred with tears. And she'd been overwhelmed.
But now, in the daytime, he was beautiful.
With the prettiest blue eyes she's ever seen staring back at her with concern etched into his thin white brows. His hair was messy. Like he didn't bother to put it in place after showering. He was dressed in a dark shirt. Folded up to expose his corded forearms. Covered in thin lines of ink designed in chains. The first two buttons were left open to reveal his collarbones and the thin silver chain hanging over them. And similar black pants. Though he was barefoot. His hands were covered in dark leather gloves. Unlike last night when she was sure she had felt the warmth of his palm over her wrist.
How had he brought her here last night?
"Don't worry... Your manager knows you're with me... You're safe here... From those nosey reporters..." She didn't realize she'd asked that out loud until he'd answered her question. Her cheeks heated immediately. Feeling mortified under his cerulean gaze. His lips stretched into a smirk.
"Who are you?..." She repeated her earlier question. Hiding more under the dark blue covers and scooting away from him as if she thought she could escape.
He grinned. Ran a gloved hand through his white hair and whispered. The rays of sunlight from the nearby window reflected on the silver jangling moon earring on his right ear.
"Guess I have no choice..." He stuffed his hands into his pockets and gave her a rather lazy look before replying. "Satoru... Your new bodyguard..." He added a bit of flair while saying the last sentence but recoiled in faux heartbreak when she didn't return his enthusiasm. Instead, she looked skeptical. He purposely didn't give his surname.
Cute... He thought.
Meanwhile, Utahime wondered what kind of person Yuki had hired to protect her. He seemed too playful. But his stare was all-knowing. It gave her the chills. One second he was joking and grinning. The next he was concerned and serious. And above all, he'd seen her at her lowest.
"Oh... " Was all she could say when she realized he had changed her out of her dress. She was in a very loose fitting grey hoodie and blue sleep shorts. Her cheeks burned. They smelled like the sheets. Like him. Like vanilla.
Chocolate
"Don't worry... I didn't take advantage of you... I'll leave you to shower and do your shit... There's a spare toothbrush in there... Will be right outside if ya need me, Princess..." He took three full steps in her direction. With his long legs, he was already at her side. Utahime blinked in confusion when he gave her a pat on her head.
"Be a good girl and get ready for breakfast, okay?..." He spoke gently. And she could only nod in return. Her mind reeling because he was too fucking close. He smelled so sweet. Like candy. Vanilla and chocolate. And if she thought about it long enough, a hint of cream too. She had to stop herself from inhaling more. That would be embarrassing.
Once she heard the door click shut, she scrambled for her phone on the bedside table. Sighing in relief when she found that it'd been charged. This sound of pots and pans helped her understand that she was probably in his apartment. And he was in his kitchen.
Cooking for her.
Utahime shook her head. Her cheeks tinting pink. Now was not the time.
She immediately texted Shoko. Who surprisingly hadn't texted her since yesterday besides an "Everything okay?" Did they all trust this guy?
UTA: I'm alright I guess... I just met my bodyguard ^_^
11:35 am
SHOKO: Yeah... I know you're with him ;)
11: 37 am.
Utahime felt her face heat once she read the message. Again and again. She couldn't believe this.
UTA: Stop making it sound like I'm sleeping with him..(｡ŏ﹏ŏ)
11:38 am .
SHOKO: Never said that... But he's cute though. Not as cute as his partner with the bangs...
11: 40 am.
To be honest, she wasn't even surprised after reading Shoko's text. The woman and practically flirted with Geto Suguru backstage when Utahime was getting ready to perform.
UTA: Shooookoooo!!!!!
11:42 am.
SHOKO: What?!...
11:45 am
UTA: Nevermind...ಠ_ಠ
11:47 am.
SHOKO: Uta?... I saw...
11: 53 am.
Utahime knew what she meant. But decided to play dumb. She wasn't ready to talk about it. And she didn't want Shoko to feel awful. Or blame herself for Utahime's mistakes. That she wasn't being a good enough best friend for her.
UTA: Saw?...
11: 57 am
SHOKO: We'll talk on Monday, okay?...
12:10 pm
UTA: Fine...
12:11 pm
SHOKO: And you're staying with him until then. The hotel isn't safe right now... Sorry (╯︵╰,)
12: 13 pm.
UTA: What the hell?!...(っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ
12: 15 pm.
SHOKO: It's on the news, Uta...
12: 21 pm.
Utahime closed the messaging app immediately and checked the internet for information. Thankfully, it wasn't news of her suicide attempt that was raging on social media. But the fact that the hotel she was to stay at for another day or two before heading back to Kyoto was swarmed with paparazzi and news reporters. She assumed it was because of her once in a long time appearance. After being on a six month hiatus. Someone must have tracked her down. Those stalker fans. And the critics.
So that was why she was in his apartment... But still. He would have booked another hotel room. Who was she kidding? Anyone would recognize her immediately he stepped into a building with her in his arms. It was too risky.
But her stuff were there. That and Utahime had never lived with a man. As far as she was concerned, the only man she was a bit comfortable with was Nanami. And that was because he was her lawyer. And a close friend of Mei Mei.
Now she was stuck living with her bodyguard over the weekend. Well technically for a day and a half. Since it was already Saturday. She flopped back under the covers. Blowing a raspberry under her breath. Cursing after a few minutes when she discovered she needed to shower. At least before he started to worry.
"Thank you for the food..." Utahime said again after dropping her fork. Before she could rise to her feet with her plate, he picked it up and took it to the sink so he could wash it clean. Humming one of her hit songs under his breath while doing the activity. He was a fan after all. She'd noticed the shelf full of her merchandise in his living room. She was surprised he hadn't asked for her autograph.... Yet.
If only she knew
Mostly because he wanted to calm the fuck down. Utahime was in his kitchen. Wearing his clothes. And smelling like his shampoo. It was such a fucking turn on. She was so pretty. And sweet. He'd bet she tasted sweet. She smelled sweet too. Her lily scent blended with his cologne. And it was messing with his sanity.
How embarrassing that he had such a bad crush on his favorite idol. And he was twenty one.
He wanted to bite her cheeks when she'd flamed in embarrassment. Fuck knew how he stayed in control throughout the night with her body pressed against his own. He hadn't meant to cross any boundaries. But she'd been so perturbed while sleeping. Whimpering and sobbing through a nightmare. That he just couldn't leave her alone in his bed. He had a fucking guest room but he'd put her in his bed and cuddled her to sleep. And she'd clung to him. Her warm breaths puffing against his throat while he wrapped her against himself.
"My pleasure, Sweetheart..." He answered while wiping her plate with a dishrag. He'd forgone his leather gloves. Neatly folded them on the kitchen counter while he moved around in his kitchen with a grace Utahime knew wasn't forced. He was tall. Huge. Bigger than her. Well, she was short anyway. But still. He was gorgeous and fit. His shirt was cut nicely over his figure. Highlighting his broad chest. Tapered waist. And Utahime coughed a bit when she realized she was blatantly staring at his ass.
"Like what you see, huh Princess..." He chuckled. Not even facing her. His confidence was something else. Surely, he knew he was hot. She couldn't believe she hadn't even noticed him during the meeting when Yuki had invited TM to their firm. Or maybe it was because he wasn't in the meeting. His presence was too magnetic to be ignored. And honestly, he looked more like a wild card. Though she couldn't forget how he'd held her to his chest and whispered such sweet things into her ear.
"You're so beautiful, Uta...."
"And perfect... And strong..."
"You're My Idol, Hime..."
Her belly clenched. She felt her heart flip as she remembered his words. The warmth of his body. He was solid. He was so warm. Utahime wanted to trust him. Because he sounded so honest. So earnest to make her understand that she was special. That she deserved a friend.
"W-would... Would you be my friend, S-satoru..." She whispered her thoughts. She was doing that alot around him. Standing to her feet. Her hands and legs were shaking. But she wanted to be brave. So she wouldn't look weak to him. So he wouldn't see how vulnerable she felt even though he'd heard her cry like a child last night.
And when he turned to face her, there was a flush of pink over his cheekbones and ears. He smiled. And it split into a grin. Satoru let out a relived breath alongside his words."Thought you'd never ask, Sweetheart..." He walked up to her and couldn't resist rubbing her hair affectionately.
That was when Utahime realized that she secretly wanted to be the source of that smile again. If only to please her new friend.
Utahime wanted to change.
For the sake of the only person who had run up to the roof to stop her from taking her life.
And for herself...
She'd try her best to become the idol her bodyguard deserved.
*
The weekend had actually gone better than she had expected. It was still a bit awkward. Satoru was usually dressed for work. Even in his own home which was strange. When he wasn't attentively listening to her answer his adorable questions about her albums. He was in his study. Sorting through some documents and reading important mail. 'Work shit' as he'd called it. Or working out in his gym.
She'd received texts from her friends. Mei Mei asked about her wellbeing occasionally. That she wondered if Shoko had told her about her stunt. Yuki said she should enjoy her youth in a pretty boy's home. Even though she was just older than her by a year.
And for some reason, Satoru hadn't talked about that night. At all. But she assumed he wanted to. There were times he just looked at her. Stared for so long that she wondered if she had two heads. It made her nervous. But at the same time, he somehow allowed her to be comfortable in his own home. He'd insisted she slept in the bedroom she'd woken up in. And on Sunday morning, she had stirred when he'd secretly slipped in and out of bed. He didn't comment on why he was in bed with her that night either. She knew it was probably because she had nightmares. She was grateful he didn't say anything. She didn't think she'd be able to talk about it yet.
Monday rolled around finally. Utahime found herself in Satoru's car. Headed to a secluded location where she could meet with Shoko to collect her stuff from the hotel. Which meant she'd be heading back to Kyoto today.
Is what she thought until Shoko said. "You'll have to stay with Gojo for about a month... Apparently, someone was sniffing around your personal apartment in Kyoto and I don't think it'd be safe to return to the hotel even though the paparazzi have subsided... " They were on an old bridge. Practically abandoned because it was up for renovations by the government. Gazing at the body of water beneath them. The sky was cloudy. Grey in a sense that caused Utahime's stomach to churn. Because she could smell the rain brewing in the approaching storm clouds. At the back of her mind, she wondered when she'd heard the name "Gojo" before.
"Are you shitting me?..." She cursed. Angrily tugging at her hair tied in cute pigtails. She was dressed casually. Still in Satoru's clothes. He had wanted to buy something for her to wear but she insisted that he didn't have to. She didn't want to be of too much trouble. She was getting her stuff anyway. And he already had to worry about her safety. But at the same time she felt embarrassed for liking the fact she was wearing his clothes. They felt surprisingly warmer. God she was a weirdo. Utahime didn't know the first thing about making friends. Shoko, Mei Mei, Yuki and Nanami had been close to her since her debut. She didn't have to put an effort to talk to them. They spoke first. Nanami of all people spoke first.
But now that she wanted to change and be better, she didn't know the first thing about socializing normally.Or if she was being too weird and familiar with him.
Satoru didn't seem to mind.
If anything, he looked amused.
Utahime nervously tugged at the neck of the soft blue hoodie so it wouldn't slide down her shoulders. It was practically a dress on her. Stopping way past her mid thighs so she didn't have to wear anything underneath besides underwear. And strangely, she could feel his gaze on her even if he was a few feet away so as not to eavesdrop on her conversation. Her things had already been loaded into Satoru's car.
"I'm sorry, Uta... But just trust us on this one... Yuki said she's gonna hire a private investigator to check out your apartment... She suspects it's your father's doing..." Shoko sighed exasperated. Her dark brown hair was held in a loose ponytail. And she was dressed casually in a loose yellow t-shirt, a grey face cap and work out shorts.
"Shit..." Yeah, her father was another factor. She'd been estranged from him since she'd accepted the offer to become a pop idol. But when she'd made it big, he tried to contact her so she'd lend him money. A' Selfish prick' as Shoko called him most times.
"Again... I'm sorry..." Shoko tilted her head in Satoru's direction. Watching how be spoke on the phone coolly with his gaze still fixated on Utahime from a distance. "He's a good guy... We didn't have time to think before agreeing to let you stay with him..." Shoko wondered if telling her that Satoru was an old friend of hers would help convince her to trust him quicker.
"At least I should've been aware of it..." Utahime scoffed. Crossing her hands over her chest. Annoyed that the decision was made for her without her consent. As much as she loved and care for her friends, they tended to baby her and it could be annoying. That was why she didn't talk to them about some things. Like her building anxiety. Her fall into depression and her thoughts on suicide.
Speaking of that.
"Utahime..." Shoko rarely used her given name. Her tone was softer. Her dark brown eyes softening as she looked at Utahime with a small frown. Immediately, she knew what she wanted to talk about.
"I'm sorry..." It was her turn to apologize. Looking ashamed. Her cheeks heating up immediately. While her gaze looked elsewhere. Anywhere but at Shoko's sad expression.
"I wish you'd talk to me..." Shoko sighed. The sound of a lighter clicked before she was taking a long smooth drag of her cigarette. Utahime felt really bad. She knew Shoko smoked when she was terribly upset. And she'd promised to quit . At least until a year ago when things had gone downhill. With the injury and trauma from Utahime's attacker, and trying her best to help cheer up her best friend, Utahime knew Shoko was stressed out too. Even more so because she was sweeter than she acted on the outside. And a complete worrywart.
"I didn't know how to..." Utahime answered. A bit dejectedly. It hurt more because Shoko didn't blame her either. But she knew it was on the tip of her tongue to suggest therapy. She'd suggested it after the previous incident. Because Shoko knew it wasn't something Utahime could just deal with. But Utahime had been stubborn. And now look at what she'd tried to do a few days ago. Maybe she'd do therapy.
"I just—I worry about you, okay..." She bit her lip painfully when she heard the tremor in Shoko's voice. Then a sniffle. Shoko immediately wiped her cheek so the lone tear wouldn't fall to her chin. Shoko rarely cried.
"I know..."
"I was so scared when I saw him holding you on the roof... You were crying and screaming... And fuck!... I'm sorry, Uta..." Hearing Shoko apologize so much gutted her. From her words, she understood that Shoko must have noticed her absence and had come to the roof to look for her too. Only to find her sobbing into Satoru's neck after he'd saved her from ending her life.
"Sho—"
"Promise to be careful, Uta... That you'd tell someone... Even if it's not me, whenever you're hurting... You're my best friend, I can't bear to loose you..." Shoko's reddened gaze met hers and held it until Utahime replied with a nod. Whispering that she would keep the promise.
"Alright... Satoru will keep you safe.... Yuki says we'll have to meet up eventually to discuss strategy and regrouping before we head to Kyoto... you'll stay here after we're gone until we know it's safe for you... " Shoko stomped the cigarette butt beneath her slipper and tugged Utahime into a hug. "Text me, okay?..."
"I will..." Utahime breathed. Noting the slight tremble of Shoko's shoulders. "How was your night with Mr. Bangs..." Utahime changed the subject so Shoko could collect herself. And Shoko was grateful she did.
"He's sweeter than he looks... And a giver..." Shoko chuckled. Her ears reddened when she thought of her heated encounter with Suguru from the security team. She'd flirted aggressively. He'd flirted back. And then had fucked her the second they stumbled into her hotel room.
"Lucky ass..." Utahime giggled. Wiping the stray tear that wanted do fall. Wanted to continue in the lighthearted conversation about Shoko's sexual escapades. Even though it was a strange topic for discussion.
"Says the person who's gonna be living with the pretty thing over there... He's such an idiot... An otaku fan... It's embarrassing and adorable..." Shoko covered her mouth with her hands just after the words came out. Oh well, Satoru would whine and bitch about it when Utahime spilled the beans. But she had to know he was a huge fan. If not a sort of stalker too.
"He's pretty soft..." Utahime agreed. They said their goodbyes. Shoko playfully punched Satoru's shoulder and said something about keeping Utahime safe. Or she'd castrate him. Satoru whining and pouting that she shouldn't be a bully.
Satoru was sweet too
If only Utahime knew...
That he was only so sweet for her.
*
The drive back to Satoru's apartment was silent at first. Utahime felt uncomfortable. She was used to his usual chatter. Or unnecessary parroting about random things. Like food. Sweets especially. Or some of her old songs from when he was a teenager.
But this time, he was silent. His grip on the steering wheel was so tight, she thought it'd snap in two.
"Why haven't you asked me about it?... That night..." She blurted out. She wanted to know why he hadn't said a word. Hadn't talked about that night he'd saved her. Held her while she sobbed terribly.
"Excuse me?..." He was taken aback by her sudden outburst. But his eyes were still focused on the road. Only occasionally glancing at her for a moment or so before his attention went straight ahead. He wanted to much to give her thigh a squeeze but thought against it. Not yet.
She wasn't ready yet.
"I mean... You're not curious about why I wanted to... To k-kill myself..." Utahime bit her lip immediately after the words tumbled out. Facing away from him and looking at the glass of her window. Even though she could see his reflection on the glass when he glanced her way. He was gorgeous. Even when he looked pissed.
"Hime..." He slowed to a stop once he saw a red light. Whispering her name under his breath to catch her attention. "I want to know... It's eating me inside but I can't force you to tell me if you're not ready... Even though I want to—Fuck!" He interrupted himself before he'd say anything about holding her and wiping her tears. Soothing her like she was his. Technically, she kind of was in his eyes. But at the same time she wasn't because she just didn't know it yet.
He continued to drive once there was a green light. Sucking in some air and speaking again.
"I care about you, Uta... Alot... And as much as I wish I could just make you tell me why you did something so dangerous... I need you to choose to tell me... " Fuck it!... He thought to himself and placed his palm over her thigh carefully. Feeling her tense a bit but relax immediately she met his blue eyes.
"Because friends trust each other to tell them things when they're not feeling okay..." He gave her a soft squeeze and smiled warmly. His cerulean gaze lighting up in a way that had her flushing across the skin of her neck and ears. Her heart constricting in her chest.
"You have the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen... " She confessed in a whisper. And his eyes widened. Utahime's expression mirrored the shock on his when she realized what she'd said out loud. But it was worth seeing the dark colour over his cheeks and ears. She'd made this huge strong man blush by just stating a fact. That he was beautiful.
Almost otherworldly so...
"Fucking Christ, Uta... " He hissed under his breath. Praying she wouldn't see his hardening cock as he swelled in his pants. He needed to focus on taking her home.
Yeah taking her home and fucking her senseless. Worshipping her.
No goddammit!
Focus...
But couldn't. His hand on her thigh rubbed a few circles with his thumb against the hem of the blue hoodie. He fucking loved seeing her in blue. In his clothes. And he sure as hell knew he wasn't thinking straight when his thumb had somehow slipped beneath the hem. Caressing her bare skin.
She was so fucking soft. Satoru clenched his jaw tightly. Hissing through his teeth when he heard her breath hitch. Not the sound people made when they were scared. More like when one was... Aroused.
Fuck!
With a heavy heart he gave her bare thigh one last squeeze and slipped his hand back onto the steering. He wanted to fuck her. Pullover. Recline his seat and sit her on his cock until she begged him to cum deep inside her— Shit! He was a mess. A horny fucked up obsessive mess who was trusted with her safety.
He was getting paid to keep her safe. The thought cooled him off a bit like a ton of bricks.
He chided himself. Inhaled deeply and somehow took them back to his apartment without crashing his car because all the blood in his head was pumping southward.
This was going to be a very very long month.
*
The strangest thought gripped Utahime's mind once Satoru helped her take her things into the foyer through his elevator. And into his huge apartment.
We're home...
Very strange. But somehow not unwelcomed. Satoru suggested moving her things to his guest room.
"I'll just put your stuff in there... Will you be able to unpack while I start up dinner?..." He asked. Unfortunately, Utahime felt distressed because one, her heart was still pounding wildly after feeling the warmth of his palm over her thigh. And two, because he wasn't even looking at her while he spoke. His movements almost mechanical as he helped her place her bags and belongings into the sparsely decorated guestroom opposite his own bedroom. Which was the master bedroom. The same room he'd held her to sleep in just last night.
He didn't even call her 'Sweetheart '. Or Princess.
Utahime didn't have the luxury of a regular childhood. Having to suffer through taking so many part time jobs in middle school because her father wouldn't stop gambling after her mother left them. And then working hard so she'd finally debut after being scouted by Yuki. Who wasn't much older than her but was able to create the Star P which had been recruiting idols with all the old money added to her name. Most of the girls which had signed up for their company had dropped out. And given up . Because Yuki had been looked down on by other managers because she was either too young. Or a girl.
Which was plain garbage.
Now she was the only pop idol working under Tsukumo Yuki. And apparently, she didn't mind since they were already making such great progress. Though she'd recently talked about starting up with recruiting youngsters. It had been years after all. And she was excited to try again now that Star P was famous through Utahime's wonderful 'pizzazz' as she'd called it.
Not wanting to get too sidetracked with memories of her wild manager, Utahime's mind wandered back to what was causing her thoughts to spiral.
She'd somehow developed a crush on her bodyguard under such a short period of time. And it made her unhappy that he wasn't even looking at her. Because of her abnormal life before now, she hadn't dated before. Had never had a boyfriend. A few crushes here and there that never lasted. But had never been in a man's space like this. And he'd said he cared about her.
"I care about you, Uta... Alot.."
It gave her butterflies. But then her gut sank with dread immediately she remembered he'd seen her try to jump off a roof like a child throwing a tantrum and giving up on her life because she couldn't forget how terrible and powerless she'd felt. How she still felt every damn day of her life.
Utahime nodded quietly. Swallowed the question she'd wanted so much to ask before quickly shuffling to the guestroom.... She'd wanted to ask if he was mad at her for thinking his eyes were beautiful.
They were actually.
But he hadn't said thank you. Or if he liked her talking about his eyes. Like she was intruding. So Utahime bit her lip hard and painfully. And tried her best not to cry. So she wouldn't look like an inexperienced child that wasn't worth his time babysitting. She'd prove to him that he wasn't mistaken. That she was a bright shining idol who was worth his attention.
His friendship....
Satoru helped her unpack more after they had dinner together. He hadn't spoken much. Unlike his usual chatter over meals. Or whenever they were in the same room. It was unnerving seeing him so quiet. That Utahime was sure she must have pissed him off.
But she didn't ask him if she did.
She was too scared of his reply.
So even though it was cowardly, she retired to bed early and hoped she'd be able to fall asleep. Hoped being the keyword because she hadn't really found it easy to sleep for so long. Because of the nightmares. But she'd slept better with Satoru beside her. So she hoped it'd be different now that she was safe in his home.
1:47 am.
She was wrong.
Utahime gasped. Jerking into a sitting position with a silent scream. The familiar sting of pain across her face forced tears down her cheeks. It was always the same fucking dream every single night. Rather. A memory.
A memory of how she'd gotten this stupid scar.
She had tried so hard to forget but she couldn't. She couldn't forget how she'd choked when he'd cornered her on her way home from the grocery store. He had followed her home. Right at her doorstep, he'd shoved her into her apartment once she'd unlocked it. Pushed her to the floor and bound her wrists with a wire which still left old tiny scars on her skin. Knocking the wind out of her before she could react as he squeezed her little throat. He'd run the cool edge of the knife over her cheek. Ignored her whimpers.
Her pleas for him to leave her alone. He'd called her terrible names. A whore. A bitch. So many things she didn't want to remember. But couldn't forget. She'd sobbed when he tried to unzip his jeans with one hand. Still squeezing her throat until she had spots dancing across her vision. He's ripped her clothes and she'd struggled.
His dark brown eyes had been like that of a dead fish as he spat on her face. Had brought back the knife and cut her. Because for some reason, he'd said he'd warned her to be a good little bitch.
There had been blood everywhere. And she'd screamed. Even if she didn't have her voice left in her. She'd screamed as loud as she could until her throat burned and she could taste blood behind her tongue. Before it could end with Nanami rushing to save her, Utahime had started awake.
Just like every other night.
She stumbled out of bed. Hellbent on wanting to get out of the dark guestroom. It felt stifling. She didn't want to be alone. Her attacker could still be out there. Or in her closet. Waiting for her to slip up. Before he'd pounce on her and finish the job.
"The stalker with the knife could'a finished the f* cking job anyway..."
The dark message hung in her mind. She could almost hear the voices. Merged with that of the man who had hurt her.
She tried to scream. But her voice wouldn't come out. She couldn't breath through the weak whimpers that forced it's way through her throat. She desperately didn't want to be alone. Maybe she should have seen a doctor. A therapist. She'd denied counselling after they had treated her wounds in a hospital. Not wanting to be near a stranger at all.
But now she needed to talk to someone. To prove she was alive. And not alone.
She needed Satoru.
He'd promised to protect her. Utahime struggled but was able to unlock her door. The shadows in her bedroom frightened her terribly. She couldn't make it far anyway. Her legs gave out the second she stepped into the hallway. Her breaths coming out in weak pants. She was hyperventilating.
He said he'd protect her...
She didn't know if he was mad but she needed him so much right now.
Needed Satoru so much
"S-sa...toru..." She whimpered. Clutching her middle because she felt like she'd vomit. Utahime doubled over with a whine. She couldn't take another step. Slumping against the wall. Sliding down to the floor and rolling into a fetal position.
"Sa—"
"Baby?... Shit I'm here..." He sounded frantic. She could barely see his bare feet approaching her through her blurry vision. Thank God. She let out a sigh. Though her throat still felt tight. Hoarse and dry.
"Toru..." She sobbed when he pulled her into the warmth of his bare chest. Rubbing her back so he could soothe her. "Shhh... Relax f'me, Bunny— Please.... Don't cry... I'm sorry—Fuck! I should've come sooner..." He nuzzled her throat carefully. Immediately forgetting all formalities because he just wanted to make sure she was okay. To stop her from hurting.
"S-scared.... Don't let them hurt me again... Please!..." She pleaded. Gripping him so tightly, her nails dug into his skin. "I'd never... I promised I'd protect you... Fuck, please breathe for me, Bunny... Uta I need you to take a deep breath for me..." He encouraged her to take deep breaths. He was scared. He hadn't been able to sleep. Well, he rarely slept anyway. But he'd been holed up in his study working over a few things. His parents had sent him more mail about inheriting his father's businesses, which he'd ignored. Plus he'd been on a few other phone calls from interested clients he had to refer to Naoya and Toji because he was still on a solid contract while theirs was a bit more flexible. He would have asked Suguru, but he knew he was probably busy with Uta's assistant manager.
He'd heard the door to her room slam open at first. Then the weak sounds of her crying and retching over like she wanted to vomit. He'd shot out of his chair and ran out of his study as quickly as he could. His heart breaking when he heard her sob his name. He'd thought she'd be okay tonight. He'd left his room door and study open in case she couldn't sleep. And had told her if she didn't feel okay, she could knock on his door. He didn't expect her to have a full blown meltdown and such a bad nightmare.
The worst he's ever seen.
Utahime breathed in as deeply as she could. Clinging to him for support when she felt her chest ache.
"That's it... You're doing so well, Love... Come on... Let it out for me, Sweet Girl... " He encouraged her while he wiped her tears and kissed her forehead. She let him. She didn't care. She let him because she trusted him. He was so sweet to her. Calling her such sweet names. And praising her for just... Breathing. She sobbed.
"I know, Honey... Just hold on okay?... Take another breath for me... You can do it, Baby..." He whispered into her ear. Standing to his feet with her in his arms. Taking long purposeful strides to his bedroom. Not bothering to shut the door.
"That's it, Princess... My Bunny's such a good girl..." He cooed while situating himself on the edge of his bed. She sagged into him. Listening to the sound of his heart steadily thumping in his chest. She would have felt mortified. Sitting in a man's lap and snuggling into his bare chest. But Utahime couldn't care. She'd never felt so warm and safe. And she wasn't ready to let him go.
"Nightmare?..." He asked into the darkness. Still rubbing her back. Tentatively stroking against her spine. From her nape. All the way to her lower back. Slowly and carefully. His jaw clenched when she nodded solemnly.
"I'm sorry..." He brushed her scattered bangs from her forehead and placed a kiss on it. The action of tenderness filled her chest with warmth. Was this how friends treated each other? It felt different. Kind of like... Lovers. The ones she'd read in books. Saw on tv. She didn't know what to make of it. But Utahime didn't want to let go of him.
If his kindness would just intensify her crush on him. So be it.
"Satoru?..." She asked after he'd gotten a bottle of water from his bedside table and asked her to take little sips. He hummed. Acknowledging her. And alerting her he was listening. His blue eyes watching her. As if they were glowing in the dark.
"Are you mad at me?..." She looked away immediately. Her cheeks heated up. Signalling her embarrassment. Which only intensified when she realized she was blushing hard. In the darkness.
"Mad?... Why'd I be mad at you, Sweetheart?..." He sounded surprised. But his tone was still so gentle. He tilted her chin a bit so she could look into his eyes. Like he was searching hers for the answer.
"Cause... Because I said that... Y-your eyes are b-beautiful... You didn't look at me ever since we got home..." She stuttered. And immediately, realization dawned on him. He'd avoided her gaze because he wanted to maintain self control. But she misinterpreted it terribly. He didn't mean to be scare her.
"Oh Baby... I'm not mad... I was just surprised... Sorry I hurt you..." He felt his ears heat. Thankfully they were shrouded in darkness. He held her closer. After a long moment, she asked,
"C-can I call you B-blue?..." Her voice was soft. She'd thought about it a bit. Blue was her favorite colour. And his eyes were so blue and pretty. And... and maybe it was because she was growing feelings for him. Maybe it was because she trusted him. But she was okay with trusting him with her favourite colour. With calling him "Blue". Like he was somehow hers in a way. He chuckled. A bit glad to have lightened the mood even a little bit. He did feel his heart jump at her request. And didn't care that he kissed her temple before answering.
"Y'can call me whatever you want... I'm yours, Princess..." He rested his head on her shoulder. Sure he could feel her smile a bit against his chest when she let out a small "Okay".
" Hime?...." She rose her head to gaze at him. Her only source of light being the little crack from the hallway and the moonlight filtering through the windows. She secretly loved him calling her "Hime". Made her feel like a Princess.
His eyes were bright enough to capture her attention. Her breath hitched. And before she could ask as to why he'd called out to her, he was leaning in. He was kissing her.
His lips were soft. Firm. But he didn't rush her. Satoru kissed her gently. Tentatively sucking on her lips. First the bottom. Then the top. Repeating the motion until she let out a soft moan. The vibrations shot straight to his cock. She sounded wonderful. Satoru groaned in return. Slipping his tongue into her mouth so he could taste her. And he did. And fuck, she tasted so sweet. A bit like the toothpaste she'd used before bed. It was minty. With a hint of fruit. He'd fantasized about tasting her spit for so long he wondered if he was a creep.
Maybe he was....
But it wasn't everyday one got the chance to guard their favorite Pop Idol. To have a valid reason to stick to her. And hole her up in his apartment. Yeah, it was messed up that he was using his position as her bodyguard to seduce her. But he couldn't care right now. She felt so good. Fuck! Maybe he was an asshole. Kissing her like this when she was hurting. But he didn't know how else to make her feel better. Seeing her cry always gutted him. He hated it so much.
He stroked along her tongue. Then her teeth. The crevice of her mouth. She gripped his strong arms tightly while trying her best to absorb the situation. Still shell shocked that her recent crush was kissing her like this. Like he wanted her. She felt heady.
"Kiss me back, Hime... Please Bunny, kiss me back..." He whimpered. Breathing heavily over her lips while his hand slipped into her hair and tugged at the soft strands slightly. Tilting her head upward so he could push his tongue deeper into her mouth. His other hand rubbed and pressed his long fingers into her lower back gently. Utahime did her best to reciprocate. Wanting so much to please him. Hearing him beg like that was so hot. And so... So vulnerable. Like he'd been scared of something. But she couldn't exactly concentrate when her head felt like she had cotton fuzz floating around in it.
It wasn't hard to find out she wasn't exactly well-versed with the art of kissing. Like she'd never done it much. Fuck that... She didn't seem to know how. But it was so sweet and endearing seeing her do her best to reciprocate. She was twenty four. Older than him by three years and she didn't even know how to kiss. The realization caused him to grunt into her mouth. The sound vibrated in his chest. Turning into a guttural groan. He wanted to covet her. To take her for himself. To have her. To consume and dirty her for his and her own pleasure.
Fucking hell he wanted her so badly, his length was already pressing into her soft luscious ass.
Satoru broke the kiss. Knowing if he let it go too far, he wouldn't be able to control his actions. As much as he wasn't sure about the sordid details of whether her attacker from a year ago had hurt her in that way. He hated to think about it. But truthfully, he wanted their first time together to be special. To make it special for her because she was his favourite idol. His Princess. And she deserved the world.
He felt his pupils dilate when he caught the string of saliva between their swollen pink lips. Shining in the moonlight obscenely. Utahime was still in a daze. It took moments after he'd kissed her to realize he'd stopped kissing her. And she placed her finger on her lower lip to be certain of it. Because she could still feel the heat of his lips on hers. His tongue in her mouth. It was all so new. But so hot and refreshing.
The only sort of kiss she'd ever really experienced was when she was seventeen. A famous teenage actor had asked her to accompany him to a celebrity gathering. He'd been polite enough. But while escorting her back to her apartment, he'd placed his lips on hers. It had shocked and scared her that she pushed him away immediately. Thankfully, he respected her space and stepped back with an apology. Agreeing to be at least friends from a distance.
She hadn't exactly heard from him since then. Only the news of his acting career that reached her ears.
... tahime... Hime..." It was after a moment, that she realized Satoru was speaking to her. She righted herself immediately. Stiffening a bit when he rested his forehead on hers. But relaxed immediately. He slid his head down to her throat and hid himself in the crook of her neck. Panting heavily like he struggled to catch his breath. Trying his best to relax so he wouldn't rut into her.
"I like you, Uta... I've had feelings for you—I know it's sort of happening too quickly... And this may not be the right time..." His breath fanned her beating pulse " But, I want to take care of you... To cherish you... Because you deserve it... Because I want to... So..." He rose his head to meet her eyes. Before placing a kiss to her forehead. "... Would you let me, Sweetheart?..." It was weird . Asking her permission after kissing the breath out of her. But he didn't want to scare her. If she knew the extent of his obsession with her, she'd run away and call the cops. Only Suguru knew of how he'd left home when he was eighteen. Somehow, leaving his responsibilities as the heir to his Clan just so he could join a security firm owned by an acquaintance of his that was hired by celebrities. And Shoko, who he'd met a few years ago took one look at him and knew he was whipped.
Honestly, it had been a game of chance. He didn't think he'd end up as her bodyguard. If anything, he expected to guard someone else. But hopefully, run into her. Or at least see her close enough after pining for her for fuck knows how long. He had the money and the connections. So he could actually arrange to meet her without having to go through this. But he wanted to get her attention without having to use his surname which always gave him everything he wanted. He wanted her to want him as Satoru. And not Gojo. Or Gojo Satoru. It was selfish and stupid. Childish even. But he didn't care.
His voice had gone smaller. His nose brushed hers so gently, she almost couldn't feel it. Now that he was so close, she could very much see him clearly. And he looked so sincere. Utahime felt like she'd burst. Her smaller hands cupped his face gently. Even though they were shaking violently. Her eyes began to water. Noone had said they liked her so sincerely. Most of her fans screamed that they loved her. But they didn't know about her secrets. Or saw the ugly side of herself that hated her being. They saw what she wanted them to see.
But Satoru was different.
"I trust you, Satoru... And... I-i like y-you too... B-blue..." She whispered. And he sagged with relief. Squeezing her tighter. Letting her feel how wildly his heart was pounding against his chest. He was so relieved.
"I'm glad, Sweetheart..." He grinned. Holding her close. At some point, he'd turned so they could lay down in his bed. Just staring at each other. Until Utahime's eyes felt droopy after crying so much. She fell asleep with her fingers laced with his own. His other hand wrapped round her waist. And his face in her neck.
"Goodnight, Hime..." He whispered against her skin once he heard her breathing go steady. He swore he'd make her happy. He'd protect her.
Because even though he hadn't told her yet... He knew it.
He knew he was in love with her.
He'd tell her...
He'd tell her soon enough.
And he hoped like hell she'd feel the same one day.
**✧✿^▿✧◕*.✧**