Chapter Text
After what felt like forever moving through every obstacle and skill set, Captain Ukitake raises a hand to stop me. I move back into resting stance and attempt to keep myself looking composed. The last thing I wanted was for them to think that a simple demonstration was enough to wind me. Captain Ukitake turns to the others and they exchange whispers and nods.
“Now the captains would like to ask you a few questions each.”
As he moves back, Captain Komamura steps towards me. You hear a lot of rumors when one of the captains looks like a dog, but none of them ever brought up the almost noble air about him. He carries himself with a very poised and yet welcoming air.
“Impressive performance. Your spiritual pressure is quite powerful. How do you maintain such a steady control over it?” His voice is deep and calming as he speaks.
“Several years of intense practice, sir. My spiritual pressure is naturally very intense and wild and I had to learn to control it very young. The academy helped me perfect it.”
He nods, a hint of what I think is respect in his eyes. “It takes great discipline and patience to control a naturally intense spiritual pressure.”
"Thank you, sir."
He steps back in line and Captain Soifon moves up next. She was shorter than I expected. A lot shorter. She almost looked like a young girl. I would almost say she was adorable if it weren't for the terrifyingly stoic look on her face. She gazes at me intently, her sharp eyes studying every inch of me. The tension in the room seems to grow tenfold as she approaches.
“Your performance and control are both good. However, what I want to know is why I should accept you into my squad?” Her voice is steely and cold.
“If you believe me to be a good fit and would want me in your squad I would be honored, ma’am. I am a hard worker and an even faster learner. I know Squad 2 requires having immense control over one’s body, spiritual pressure and mind. I can provide that without doubt.” I even shock myself with how steady my voice is as I respond to her.
She intimidates me for sure so I’m proud of myself. She seems pleasantly surprised by my response, her hard expression betraying the slightest tiny bit of approval. She leans in slightly, her gaze never leaving my face.
"Hm, you speak without hesitation. You remain unflinching in the face of intimidation. That's a trait that few young soul reapers have. I will take your skills and talents into consideration."
As she moves back, her lumbering lieutenant moves up and begins to speak.
"What I wanna know is-"
He's swiftly interrupted by Captain Soifon slamming her foot directly into his stomach.
"Idiot! Only the captains are asking questions! When did anyone say anything about you!" She spits out at him.
"Aw what? I thought we all got to ask stuff!" He complains while stuff his face with food from his pocket.
"No! Now step back and shut up! You're such an embarrassment, Omaeda!"
I do my best to keep my face neutral as she berates him. (But, fuck it's funny.)
Thankfully, the moment is saved as Captain Hitsugaya steps forward. As he does, I see Rangiku behind him, smiling at me. She winks and gives me a thumbs up. I keep my face passive but feel a tinge of joy in my soul at her encouragement. Captain Hitsugaya crosses his arms over his chest. His icy blue eyes locking with mine. He doesn't speak at first, instead studying me for a moment.
"What exactly would make you suitable for Squad 5?"
(Wow, jumping right to the chase. I should've expected that.)
“I’m aware Squad 5 calls for soul reapers that can handle close combat with hollows and maintain their fight to a condensed area to keep from causing any disrupt in the world of the living. I have trained intently on how to handle keeping a precise and quick fight while leaving little to no collateral.”
(Which wasn't fun but I knew was necessary.)
He nods for a moment as he listens to my answer. "Good. Showcasing your knowledge of the division shows you've done your research, or at the very least paid attention in training. I am satisfied."
He steps backwards and for a second no one moves. Then, a rustling of pink fabric catches my eye. Captain Kyoraku moves up and gives me a slow, warm smile from beneath his hat. I do my best to fight the blush rising on my face as he lifts it up and shows me his full face. I had been told the captain was handsome but not THIS a handsome. He was downright gorgeous. He walks with a charismatic swagger, his feet tapping softly on the ground. He gazes at me, his eyes sparkling with amusement and intrigue.
"Ah, you've put on quite a show so far, young lady. Outstanding skills and quite a strong, yet controlled, spiritual pressure. Very nice." His tone is still cordial and relaxed, but there's a hint of seriousness behind his words. "You've been great so far, and many of us are impressed with your potential. But I'd like to know something that isn't just about your abilities. If you could choose any squad you wanted, which one would you want to join and why?"
(FUCK.) I didn’t want to answer this question. I really didn’t. I didn’t want to jeopardize my shot with the other squads if the ones I wanted didn’t want me but I also knew if I didn’t answer it would look worse. So, I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye.
“While I would be proud and honored to be accepted into any squad in the Gotei 13, there is one that I would choose if I could.”
Captain Kyoraku raises an eyebrow, clearly intrigued by my answer. He leans in just slightly, a small smirk on his lips. The entire room seems to lean in as well, eagerly wanting to know.
"Care to share which one you have in mind?"
I know what answer they’re expecting. From my tenacity and rough fighting style, it’s a no brainer that I would be expected to say Squad 11. Even Captain Zaraki was looking at me with an expectant smirk. My hands are clasped behind my back and I squeeze them together to fight my nerves.
“Squad 12, sir.”
There's a brief silence as looks of confusion and surprise flash among the other captains faces. Squad 12 was normally only directly sought after by soul reapers that were either seen as strange or weren’t as tough on the battle field. At least, that’s what most people assumed. (I knew better though.)
Captain Kyoraku raises an eyebrow, a hint of concern on his face. "Squad 12...May I ask why? It's a rather unique choice."
I open my mouth to answer but hesitate. I look Captain Kyoraku in the eye as I speak.
“Permission to direct my answer at Captain Kurotsuchi, himself, sir?”
Captain Kyoraku smiles at me, clearly amused by my request. He glances around the room, gaining approving nods from the other captains. Clearly, they're all intrigued by the boldness of my question.
"Granted. You may direct your answer to Captain Kurotsuchi."
I turn to look and immediately feel a rush of fear and adoration as I look up at him. He’s even more intimidating than people say. He stares down at me with a bottomless look in his eyes. They seem to penetrate my soul as he appraises me, not an ounce of expression on his face.
His spiritual pressure is intense and overwhelming, yet somehow familiar in a weird way. He doesn't say anything, just looks at me and waits for me to speak. It's clear that I have his full attention.
“I know that it’s most likely assumed I would say Squad 11. I was told many times throughout my training that I would be best suited there. And it would be an immense honor to join Captain Zaraki’s squad. However, I know myself well enough to know that while Squad 11 is what others think I should be, Squad 12 is what I am. And I don’t mean that in a demeaning way, quite the opposite, actually. I won’t lie, during my time at the academy, everyone gave Squad 12 a bad rep for being strange and weird and in turn treated me differently when I expressed my desire to join.
I’ve always been a more…intellectual of a student. I was often labeled as odd or strange because I was naturally more inclined to studying and research than learning kido. For a while, I felt like I wasn’t good at being a soul reaper because of that but I know differently now. I’m proud of being a bit odd, and curious and studious. It makes me happy. While I love fighting, sometimes more than I should, I love learning just as much. Maybe even more. I want to know. And learn. And discover. It’s what I crave. It’s what brings me joy.”
Captain Kurotsuchi doesn’t speak. He merely tilts his head and grins. I’m not sure how to take it but thankfully I don’t dwell on it long.
Captain Kyoraku leans back, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Ah, quite the speech there, very insightful, my dear.”
I nod, digging my nails into my trembling hands. It felt good having all of it off my chest but now it was out there and I didn’t know what would come next. I didn't know if this made any of the other captains see me differently.
Captain Ukitake moves to stand with Captain Kyoraku. "Hm, you've given us quite a lot to consider with your choice of squads. I'd like to ask you something about your time in the academy, though."
"Yes, sir." I respond.
He offers me a gentle smile. "During your time at the academy, you mentioned that people gave you a difficult time because you were drawn to Squad 12. My apologies for that, it's deeply disappointing to hear of that kind of behavior. Did they ever say why they acted that way?"
“Well sir, to be honest with you there are a lot of people that join the academy because they have they're own idea of what a soul reaper is. A one dimensional, single faceted idea and nothing else. People assume to be one you have to be a specific kind of fighter. A lot of more…simple minded people don’t see the twelfth squad that way simply because they focus on research and development.”
He nods, understanding in his eyes. He glances over at the other captains, noticing some of them nodding as well.
Then, Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi finally speaks. "Ah, I see. So you feel that your affinity for research and intellectual pursuits makes you a good fit for my Squad 12, hm?"
“Yes, I do. I have a photographic memory and I’m a quick study. I enjoy research, and have a naturally curious nature. To put it plainly, I find it fun. It brings me great joy, creating and developing and learning things. While some of my classmates found my interests to be boring or strange, I was more than satisfied.”
He looks almost pleased as I speak. "A photographic memory, hm? A quick learner, you say? A curious nature?" He taps his fingers against the hilt of his zanpaktou, narrowing his eyes at me. "Hmph, interesting..."
As he stares down at me, I can’t contain the look of awe in my eyes as I think to myself about the endless nights I sat up reading his various research and studies.
He seems to take notice of my staring. A smirk tugs at the corner of his lips. "You've studied my research, haven't you? Admired my work, perhaps...?"
I fight the sudden flush that raises across my cheeks. “Yessir! I have. Specifically about the modifications you made to your zanpakuto, at least the ones you were willing to share in your research.”
Captain Kurotsuchi's smirk grows wider, his eyes shining with a mixture of pride and intrigue. "Ah, my Zanpakuto, Ashisogi Jizou. You've shown an interest in it, hm? What do you know of my modifications?"
I could tell some of the other captains were impatient to ask their questions but I was all too happy to converse with Captain Mayuri for as long as he was interested.
“I know you modified it to self destruct in the chance it were to ever turn against you. You wrote that you decided to attempt it after the attack by Muramasa, it was truly a risk breaking your own zanpakuto without knowing if you would get it back after.”
His smirk turns into a full-fledged grin at my answer. "Ha! You've done your homework. You really have studied my work. I don't know many people, especially soul reapers, who'd bother to gain that knowledge. Are you aware of any other modifications I've made to Ashisogi Jizou?"
Before I can respond, Captain Kyoraku steps up again. “Alright, you two can discuss this more later. We’ve got some more captains with questions to get through for now.” He says with a highly amused smile on his face.
Captain Kurotsuchi lets out a huff, reluctantly tearing his gaze away. He glances over at Captain Kyoraku, annoyance in his tone. "Hmph, fine. Go on then, let the others ask their impudent questions..."
As he moves back in line, Captain Byakuya Kuchiki steps up, his expression as stoic and unreadable as ever. He eyes me coldly, and for a moment, there's just silence. Aside from the Head Captain himself, I considered Captain Kuchiki to be the most intimidating.
Finally, he speaks up, his voice calm and measured. "You said you were interested in Squad 12, correct?"
The question wasn’t what I expected from him. “Yes sir.”
He continues to stare at me for a moment, his eyes scanning my face. There's a hint of scrutiny in his gaze, as if he's trying to see through me.
"Hmm, I see..." He pauses a moment before asking. "Then I can assume you have no desire to join any other squad?"
“I would be more than honored to be accepted to any squad.”
There is a beat of silence as he absorbs my word. He was clearly not expecting such a simple answer.
Captain Kuchki watches silently for a moment. "I see.“
Without another word, he steps back in line, his face revealing nothing of what he's thinking. It leaves me more confused than ever. I'm distracted by the thought though, as Captain Unohana, of Squad 4, steps up. Her eyes are kind, but there's also a hint of sternness as she looks at me.
She speaks softly but firmly. "You mentioned something about your spiritual pressure. You said it was unusual. Can you elaborate on that?"
I shift from one foot to the other. I was beginning to feel like I was under a microscope. “Well, it’s always been a bit wild. It’s very aggressive and is rather transparent with my emotions.”
"And what effect does it have on those around you?"
“Well, before I could control it, it often times caused the people around me to feel extreme discomfort, and paranoia.”
Her eyebrows rise slightly at my response. "So it can be distressing to others if not managed. But now that you've learned to contain it, how do others react to it?"
“Most people don’t notice it at all since I’ve gained control over it. I keep a very tight lid on it, so to speak.”
"So, you can control it to the point that it's almost unnoticeable. A useful skill, especially for a soul reaper. But tell me, does it ever slip out of your control?"
I'm suddenly confronted by the memory of one of my first days at the academy. “It did. Once. My third day at the academy, during a sparring match. It slipped, and ended up running wild. I believe afterwards he was rather shaken up. It’s not something I’m proud of.”
I lie to myself at the end. Deep down, there was some tiny cruel part of me that was proud of it. Proud that I made him fear me, but I refused to acknowledge it.
Captain Unohana's eyes widen slightly as I recount the incident. The other captains exchange looks among themselves, looks of disapproval and concern in their faces.
"I see and what happened during that sparring match to caused your control to slip like that?"
“It was small and petty. Something I should’ve been able to deal with but I was still learning control and I let him get under my skin. He was taunting me and it wasn’t anything I hadn’t heard before, but that day it just wore me down too much. I trained harder to control it after that.”
"Ah. So a moment of weakness, a breaking point, led to this incident. And since then, you've trained diligently to ensure it doesn't happen again. That's admirable."
“Thank you ma’am.” I say thank you but the words feel hollow. I didn’t deserve admiration. It was embarrassing for me, knowing I let some bonehead recruit get under my skin and loosen my control like that. Unohana stepped back and Lieutenant Hinamori stepped up, most likely taking a temporary stand until her squad got a new captain.
"My turn," she says quietly, her voice carrying in the vast room.
From what I knew of her, she was an overall very gentle woman that took her lieutenant position seriously. I had also heard that Aizen's betrayal had hit her the hardest. He was her captain, after all. I could tell the rumors were true because there was a slight tiredness and sadness in her eyes.
"Everyone has spoken of your academic success at the academy. How you passed so easily, scoring the some of the highest marks in the past few years but did you ever struggle with anything while at the academy?"
I pause and think. I had struggled in more physical aspects of my training but when it came to technique and more studious areas, I excelled. “Endurance was probably the hardest obstacle for me. I didn't have much of it when I joined so it took me a while to build it up.”
"Thank you.” She bows before stepping back.
I rush to bow in return, caught off guard by how quick she was. I then notice there’s only two left. Lieutenants Izuru Kira and Shuhei Hisagi, both also standing in for their missing captains. They appear to be deep in thought. They exchange a brief glance, as if they've discussed what to ask beforehand, then Lieutenant Kira speaks first.
"We're going to ask you three questions. Answer as honestly as you can, please."
I nod curtly and wait. They both seemed so serious. Though it could just be the weight of having to act as both Captain and Lieutenant getting to them. While Hinamori was trying to keep a gentle air about the whole thing, these two were clearly much more sober about it.
Lieutenant Hisagi speaks first, a firm look on his face. "Question one. Do you have an ambition, a specific goal you wish to achieve in the future as a soul reaper?"
“I want to achieve bankai.” I say immediately.
That was something I knew right away. That was my biggest goal. If anything, I wanted to achieve bankai. Some days it's all I could think about.
Both men nod, as if expecting that answer. Lieutenant Kira speaks next. "Question two. If you were given a direct order that contradicted your own moral code, what would you do?"
(Damn these questions were rough. I mean jeez, I knew that Aizen's betrayal had everyone on edge but this felt a little too serious.)
“It would depend on the situation at hand. If it were to be between life and death, I could sacrifice my own morality to save a life if it were needed. However, if it were an order that seemed unjust, and unlike what the Gotei thirteen stood for, I’m not sure I could follow through.”
The young men exchange glances again. It's clear they were expecting a more cut-and-dry answer, but I just couldn't give them one. It was just too vague.
Lieutenant Hisagi clears his throat and asks the final question. "Question three. Think carefully before you answer."
He looks me directly in the eye, his expression stoic. "As it stands right now, what is your honest opinion of former Captain Aizen, and his constituents, Former Captains Ichimaru and Tousen.”
"Shuuhei!" Lieutenant Hinamori whisper shouts from her spot, but Captain Kuchiki raises his hand to stop her.
I knew they were just making sure that there were no other defectors for Aizen trying to worm their way into the squads. Some others may have had mixed feelings about answering a question about such powerful Captains but I didn't. Bottom line was, I didn't know them, and I didn't want to.
I steel my face and lift my chin. “I have absolutely no respect or sympathy for them.”
Lieutenant Hisagi appears surprised by my bluntness. There's a flash of almost relief in his eyes, but there's also a brief touch of sadness.
"I see." He says quietly, his voice betraying no emotion. "Thank you for answering truthfully."
As they step back, it grows silent again until-
"One final question, young soul reaper."
A booming voice echoes from the back and I almost piss myself when I see Head Captain Yamamoto step forward.
(Had he been there the whole time? I couldn’t sense him at all. Not even a little.)
He suddenly seemed even more imposing than I could imagine. Everyone in the room stands a little straighter as the Head Captain makes his way forward. The silence is even more intense than before, if that's even possible. The energy in the room has shifted completely. His presence and reputation is as imposing as his size.
“Yes sir.” I keep my posture impeccable and do my best not to shrink in front of him.
He regards me with a stern gaze, his eyes seeming to see through me. The energy in the room is so intense, I can feel the weight of his next words even before he speaks.
"I have read the report on your incident at the academy. Slipped is an understatement. It took three seasoned officers to pull you off of your classmate and hold you down. They were forced to use kido to bind you. Your sparring partner suffered severe injuries and needed to be kept on a watch until his mental state was stable enough to return to the academy."
I felt like the ground was opening up to swallow me whole. I knew deep down that there was no way the head captain wouldn't be aware of the details. With Aizen's betrayal, it was only right to scrutinize every detail of every new soul reaper that entered the Gotei 13. I just wish I could've been lucky enough to be an exception. The unfortunate truth was, that for a moment, I was trying to kill my classmate. I wanted to kill him and every day since then, I've been afraid that I would release my energy at the wrong person and do something I could never come back from. Worse than that, I was afraid that this would be what dashes my hopes of becoming a soul reaper. That this part of me would be too reckless and risky to allow into the Gotei 13. When the head captain moves to speak again, I'm sure it's to tell me that I'm not fit to be a soul reaper.
"I wish to see for myself what your spiritual pressure is truly like, here and now.”
(...What?)
Out of everything asked of me today, this one threw me off the most. The grip I had on my hands was so tight my nails were about to draw blood. “You want me to release the full extent of my spiritual pressure, sir?”
Head Captain Yamamoto's eyes narrow slightly, a hint of impatience in his voice. "Yes. I'm requesting a full release. I need to gauge the extent of your strength firsthand, recruit. If you are worried about effecting anyone in this room, do not. We captains are more than capable of handling it.”
I breathe a shaky sigh and close my eyes. I focus on my spirit energy and as I breathe, it feels like a chain breaks. My spiritual pressure surges up like a tsunami wave. My hair whips around and the ground beneath my feet cracks ever so slightly. A massive wave of emotions explodes through the room, my anxiety over this meeting, my fear of standing before the captains, my excitement of being so close to becoming a soul reaper and then, lurking behind it, that one feeling that always waits in the back, that threatens to consume me over and over, an overwhelming, all consuming, intent to kill, rage. The very air around me seems to vibrate with the release of energy. There's an almost shrieking sound in the air. The only feeling in my energy now is a dying intent to kill. Rage. Hatred. Agony. The head captain doesn’t move an inch, the other captains don’t flinch but their faces show it all. Almost every face in the room seems to portray the same thought.
Flight Risk.
The lieutenants however, aren’t as unaffected. The lieutenants who are standing throughout the room seem to be struggling to remain standing, some of them holding onto the wall for support under the sheer intensity of it. Head Captain Yamamoto, however, remains firmly planted in his spot, his face like stone. Despite the wave of emotions coursing through the room, he doesn't waver an inch. I begin to sense that familiar feeling, one I’ve fought against my whole life. The feeling of my spiritual pressure threatening to consume me. I begin to worry that I may sink beneath the wave of it and submit to the emotion until Lieutenant Hinamori collapses. The sight of it jarring me back into my body and immediately causes me to pull it back in. It had been a long time since I fully released it and I struggled for a split second to get it locked back down but in no time, I had it fully tamed and pushed down just as I did before.
"Momo!" Captain Hitsugaya shouts as he sprints forward to the shaking Lieutenant.
She shakes her head as he helps her stand, insisting that she's alright. The room quickly falls into a tense silence. The captains and lieutenants take a moment to collect themselves, trying to shake off the feeling of the intense energy. Lieutenant Hinamori is now standing, but struggling to catch her breath. I felt awful. It was common knowledge that Lt. Hinamori suffered a fatal attack at the hands of the defectors and was still weak. Causing her this kind of pain left a sour feeling in my stomach.
Head Captain Yamamoto watches me silently, his expression unreadable. I get up the nerve to look around and check the expressions of the other captains. They exchange glances with each other, clearly taken off-guard by the sheer magnitude of the aggressive energy that was released. The violence of it. The bloodlust in it. Even the captains who seem to have handled it the best, like Captain Unohana and Captain Kenpachi, seem to be looking at me differently.
When the Head Captain finally speaks, his voice is so loud it almost makes me cower. “There is a clear intent to kill in your spiritual pressure. A raging hatred. Do you intend to kill one of us?”
“No sir!” I answer immediately, almost shocked by the question. “I…I’ve been a very angry person for as long as I can remember. There’s a lot of anger inside me. I spent years trying to calm it or soothe it but…there’s just too much of it. I’m afraid if I ever attempted release it through a fight, I would either kill someone, or it would consume me. So I keep it controlled. It’s something I just have to live with, and I’ve accepted that.”
As Head Captain Yamamoto hears my words, his expression doesn't waver. "I see. Anger and rage are powerful emotions, but dangerous when not controlled. It takes discipline and restraint to tame such intense spirit energy, and it appears you have managed it. Still, there is a very clear desire to kill in your spiritual pressure. You wish to kill someone.”
“Yes. I do.” I admit. I know there’s no point in hiding it. “I’ve felt that way since I came to the soul society. It followed me through my death, this desire to kill someone in my human life but I don’t remember who. Now I’m left with this undying pain and rage and need for revenge but there’s no one there for it to find. So now I live with it, this constant turmoil in my soul.”
The captains in the room exchange wide-eyed looks, seeming uneasy by the admission. Even Head Captain Yamamoto seems taken aback, if only for a moment before his expression turns to one of contemplation.
"That is troubling." he states, his voice firm. "The desire to kill, even when you don't know the target, could put your fellow squad members in jeopardy. Are you sure you are able to control this feeling?"
“Yes sir. I am. I've spent my entire life here in the soul society, training and working to keep it contained. The only thing I sacrifice is the level at which I fight. I must hold back when I fight so as not to trigger it. But, if that’s the price I pay for keeping control of myself, then I can pay it.”
He nods slowly, his eyes never leaving my face. There's a level of respect in his gaze, the kind that comes from recognizing discipline. My determination is unwavering, and I hope he can see that.
"You've disciplined yourself well, and the fact that you can keep your energy at bay speaks volumes. Though the nature of your spiritual pressure is concerning as is the incident at the academy. I believe it is time to give an answer. Captains and current standing lieutenants, if you wish to extended an offer to this recruit into your squad, step forward and speak now.”
This moment. This one right here is the hardest one thus far. Waiting, wondering if any of them see me as good enough to be accepted into a squad. I watch as Captain Kuchiki and Captain Hitsugaya step backwards almost immediately.
"While your control and technique are impressive, I'm afraid your energy is too much of a risk to be allowed into my squad." Captain Kuchiki says, his voice almost cruel.
Captain Hitsugaya nods along next to him. "I am inclined to agree with Captain Kuchiki's statement. I'm afraid it is too hazardous. Thank you for your time, though."
I nod my head, and keep my hands clenched behind my back.
(It's fine. That's only two squads. My chances aren't gone yet.)
Besides, there’s only one squad that really matters to me.
The head captain also steps backwards, but that one didn't surprise me. It was common knowledge that most people didn't get into Squad 1 unless they were seasoned soul reapers. Working directly under the head captain was a very risk, and special privilege. They couldn't let just anyone in. The other captains glance at each other, contemplating their decision. Some seem to be conflicted, others appear to be more at ease, as if they've already made up their mind. Soon, Captain Unohana also steps backwards.
"You are very talented, but I'm afraid your skills aren't suited for dealing with the injured." She says it with a soft voice, but I can tell what she really means is that my spirit energy is too unpredictable and dangerous to be around people in recovery.
I don't let myself mourn it too much, I know my bedside manner is terrible, so it isn't too bad. Following her, Captain Komamura also steps backwards. There's a pitying look on his face as he speaks to me.
"My apologies, but I'm afraid you may need some more training and time to make peace with your inner conflicts. Knowing that it took going so far as to use kido to restrain you in the midst of your sparring is something I simply cannot overlook."
"I understand. Thank you for the opportunity." My voice cracks slightly at the end and I curse inwardly.
Now things were starting to feel bad. I was beginning to worry. If I didn’t make it into Squad 12, and everyone else said no…I would never be a soul reaper. My worry is only made worse as Lieutenants Kira, Hisagi, and Hinamori all step backwards without a word. I feel my throat begin to tighten up, and the sudden pressure of water begins to push behind my eyes.
(This. This was the worst.)
One of the only things that I still struggled with. Rejection. Working so hard, for so long, and being met with no's. Being seen as too risky, or too damaged or too dangerous to be accepted in. I forced a passive smile onto my face as I awaited the rest of the Captain's decisions.
From the back of the room, I could see Rangiku's face staring at me with a pained expression. Her pity only made me feel worse. My eyes meet Captain Ukitake's. As he opens his mouth to speak, there's a look of pain and sadness in his eyes and I know what answer is coming. Before he can speak though, a voice cuts through the air.
"Well, I think you're all a bunch of idiots."
There, in that moment, Captain Zaraki steps forward, towering over me.
"You got some killer instincts kid, that’s good. I think you could put up one hell of a good fight with spiritual pressure like that, so despite what the others may think, I believe you’d be a damn good addition to Squad 11.“ he says gruffly. "If you're interested, I've got a spot open for you."
I no longer am able to control my face. Relief floods my system knowing that if I needed it, I still had a shot at being a soul reaper.
A broad smile breaks out across my cheeks and tears stream down my face as I bow deeply. “Thank you, sir! Thank you so much!”
Captain Zaraki smirks, a rare glimpse of emotion showing on his face. He nods his head in acknowledgement.
"No need to get emotinal, kid. I can tell you got the strength to back up your words. You're welcome to join my squad if you want."
Almost immediately, Captain Kyoraku steps forward. My eyebrows raise as he smiles at me. It shocked me that he would see me as having a place in his squad even after getting the full picture of what I was like. Some of the other Captains in the back seem puzzled by his decision but he just keeps smiling.
"I see potential in you, great potential," he says. "Sure, your energy is a little more on the lethal side, but you've already shown that you took the previous incident seriously and applied yourself to maintain a steady hold on it. That's good enough for me. I'd like you to know there is a spot for you in my squad if you choose it."
I bow quickly, my mind screaming with joy at knowing that this is real. That I'm going to become a real soul reaper. “Thank you sir!”
Captains Komamura and Unohana have small smiles on their faces, as if relieved at knowing that I would have a place after all. Head Captain Yamamoto seems to regard me with a sense of approval as well. It's clear that something about me has left an impression on them all.
Shockingly, Captain Soifon steps forward, her face serious and unreadable, but there's an intensity in her eyes.
"I could find a place for you in my squad," she says, her voice cool and steady. “You're skills of stealth and retrieval at the academy were impressive and seeing the level at which you can contain your spirit energy is exactly the kind of control the stealth force looks for. The offer is open if you choose to take it.”
My eyes get a bit wide as the air leaves my lungs. I knew she had been considering me for Squad Two but I assumed the stealth force was a pipe dream. That was huge. I bow to her as I speak.
“Thank you very much, ma'am.”
As Captain Soifon stands, her expression is stoic, but there's a small bit of satisfaction in her eyes. Somewhere amongst the exchange, Captain Ukitake silently moved backwards, a big smile of relief on his face. I'm sure he thinks I don't notice it but I do. Before I can read too deeply into it, Captain Kurotsuchi himself steps forward and it feels like my heart stops.
"Enough of your ridiculous offers. She already made it clear what squad she desire to join. Squad 12 is always looking for recruits with exceptional skill and intellect. Disregarding your spirit energy, your exam scores show you to have a very high intelligence and I only desire to have those capable enough to do the work I set out into Research and Development."
I barely contain the smile trying to etch its way across my face. I bow deeply. “Thank you so much, sir.”
Captain Mayuri gives a slight inclination of his head in acknowledgement, his eyes studying me closely. I suddenly realize, I now have four squads to choose from, and it feels like a dream.
"Congratulations, you have four squads willingly to offer you a place among them. You will have this week to make your final decision." Captain Yamamoto says, his voice holding an almost proud sound.
I bow for what felt like the millionth time that day and breathed the biggest sigh of relief I ever breathed.
"Thank you, sir. I will have my decision within the next few days."
(I don’t need a few days, but I’ll be respectful to the captains that offered anyway.)
The head captain then dismisses everyone for the moment, and as soon as he leaves, the room fills with sound, captains and lieutenants conversing, and before I can process it all, Rangiku comes racing forward and throws her arms around me in a tight hug. She's brimming with excitement, her usual cheerful demeanor on full display.
"You did it! You really did it!" She exclaims, her voice filled with glee. "I knew you could do it! Wow, four squad offers! That’s impressive! But I wish my captain had offered you a position with us, we could’ve had so much in the same squad!”
Captain Hitsugaya approaches, his expression as serious as always, but it seemed a smile was trying to break through.
"Well done," he says, giving me a slight nod of acknowledgment. "Four squad offers is something to be proud of, especially for a new graduate. I hope you will make the right decision and choose the squad that will best suit your abilities."
Rangiku spins around, her arms still clenched around me. “Captainnnnn! How come you didn’t extended an offer! If you think she’s so great you should’ve said something!”
I laugh softly as she complains. I didn’t take any offense to his lack of offer. I knew his squad wasn’t the best fit for me, and so did he. “It’s alright Rangiku, really.”
Rangiku pouts slightly, but she begrudgingly agrees as she lets me go. "I guess you're right, the Captain always has a super serious reason for everything, even if it doesn't make sense to us lowly lieutenants."
"Rangiku..." he says, his tone mild but carrying a hint of warning.
I smile as I watch them. Despite their clashing personalities, they seem to have a really good work relationship. I don’t even notice Captain Kyoraku approach me from behind. After a moment, he clears his throat. I spin around and nearly slam face first into his broad chest. My face flushes red as I catch myself. Captain Kyoraku chuckles aloud, clearly amused by me near-face planting into his chest.
He grins, a spark of humor in his eyes. "Careful there, don't want you getting a bruise on that pretty face before you've even officially become a soul reaper."
I laugh nervously, trying to not focus too hard on the fact that he called me pretty. “Sorry, Captain. I didn’t know you were there.”
He waves off my apology, still smiling a bit. He leans casually against the wall, his hand resting loosely on his Zanpaktou's hilt.
"No worries, no worries," he says, his voice easy and relaxed. "I didn't mean to startle you. Just wanted to see how you're doing after that intense evaluation. Tough decision you have on your hands, four offers, not many people can say that."
“Thank you sir.”
His smile softens a bit as he crosses his arms over his chest and gazes thoughtfully at me. "I know you have your heart set on Squad 12 but I think you’d do very well in might as well. Or any of the others too. They're all good squads, and they all see something in you or they wouldn't have offered a spot."
“And what is it that you saw in me that made you offer me a spot?” I ask before thinking, relaxed by his causal demeanor.
Captain Kyoraku raises an eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips. It's clear that he hadn't been expecting that question. He studies me for a moment before answering.
"There were a lot of things, really. Your spirit energy control is outstanding, and your performance in combat was impressive. But there was also anther more selfish reason..."
“And what is that?”
Captain Kyoraku pushes away from the wall, his lean form uncurling, and he steps a bit closer, his gaze never leaving mine. Before he can speak, he’s interrupted by Soifon.
“Don't let him butter you up or seduce you into choosing his squad. Honestly, Shunsui it’s beneath a Captain to behave that way.” She interrupts, suddenly standing next to him.
“Oh come now, Soifon, I was doing no such thing. I was merely making conversation and congratulating the young lady, that’s all. Do you really think so low of me?” He asks teasingly.
“Yes. I do.” She responds.
Soifon continues to eye me, her gaze unwavering and somewhat critical, though probably not intentionally. Meanwhile, Captain Kyoraku shoots her a glance, his expression a mix of mild annoyance and good-natured humor.
"Give the poor girl a break, Soifon. We just put her through the ringer, and now you’re about to scare her off with your scary face." He says with a chuckle.
Soifon moves to make a snide comment at the captain but I speak first. “It really is an incredible honor to be considered for your task force, Captain Soifon."
She stops mid-sentence, her eyebrows rising slightly in minor surprise before her expression softens ever so slightly, but she still remains guarded and professional.
"Appreciated. Nice to see someone here with some proper manners. " she says with a slightly biting tone before glancing at Captain Kyoraku, who just grins shamelessly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some training to oversee."
I watch her leave as her Lieutenant chases after her, begging her to slow down. At the same time, Captain Hitsugaya drags Rangiku away with him saying she had paperwork to finish.
"Awwwww Captain! Come onnnnnn. Can't I celebrate with my best friend?!" She wails as he tugs her by her sleeve.
"Rangiku, you met her today. You barely know her. You are not getting out of your duties."
I wave at her as she leaves, feeling a little bad for her considering how kind she's been to me. The rest of the room quickly emptied out, with everyone else giving me a brief congratulations until only I, Captain Shunsui, Zaraki, and Mayuri remained. Their respective lieutenants stood just behind them.
"That was some crazy spirit energy. You could put several guys in Squad 11 on their asses with that." Third seat Ikkaku Madarame said as he and Fifth seat Yumichika Ayasegawa pass by on their way out.
"That would be Ikakku's way of saying he'd love to spar against you some time." Yumichika said, giving me a smile. "Careful though, if you do join our squad, you'll never get away from him."
I place a hand on my hip and the other on the hilt of my sword. "Any time, any place, you just let me know and I'd be happy to knock you around a few times."
Ikkaku throws his head back and laughs loudly. "I don't know what the hell you were talking about thinking you wouldn't fit with us. With that kinda attitude, you're practically one of us already!"
A comforting smile crosses my face as I look down at my feet. "Thank you."
As the pair leaves, I feel eyes on me and glance upwards. Captain Zaraki and Captain Kyoraku were looking down at me, their eyes intense with a similar emotion behind them that I couldn't quite place. Standing between them was causing my hindbrain to feed vulgar thoughts to the front of my subconscious. I needed to get out of there quickly before I embarrassed myself.
“Um…well…I suppose I should go think about my decision…” I say anxiously, hoping to get out quick.
I nod to Captain Zaraki and Shunsui before turning to leave. What I don’t expect is to come face to face with Captain Mayuri. He stands there, his eyes fixed on mine. It's difficult to tell what he's thinking, as expected. But there's a hint of interest in his gaze, the same interest he'd shown earlier when choosing to extend an invitation for his squad. He doesn’t say anything, but just stands there, watching me with an unwavering eye, like he's silently studying me. Several others had told me about how unnerving and scary being stared at by him was but I didn’t feel that way. I often stared too much when I was thinking, which in turn gave me the reputation of being the weird one in my class. So, I merely stared back, fully soaking in the first up close look at the estranged captain that I was getting. His eyes stay fixed on me, unflinching, as I meet it with a stare of my own. There’s a flicker of surprise in his eyes, and his lips twitch slightly, a rare reaction. Clearly, he’s not used to people returning his stare so unabashedly. I tilt my head in return, silently letting him know I saw it. He remains stoic, but his eyes give away just a glimmer of surprise as my head tilts. There’s something akin to approval in his face, as if he appreciates my audacity, my lack of fear.
Then, he speaks, his voice cool and measured. "You have a staring problem, girl."
“As do you, sir.” I say back, matching his cool and even tone.
A smirk flits across his face at my response, and a gleam of interest sparks in his eyes. He takes a step closer, his head tilting slightly.
"Very observant. And quite fearless for a new recruit. Most people would've scurried away by now."
“Not to insult you sir, but I don’t find you frightening or unsettling in the slightest.” I say, still matching his calm stare.
Captain Mayuri raises an eyebrow, and there's a slight twitch at the corner of his lips, as if suppressing a grin.
"Is that so? I suppose I should be glad that I don't elicit terror from you, but I can't help but be a little insulted." He says, his voice still cool and steady, but there's a touch of humor in his tone.
“No insult intended at all, sir. If anything I find you rather interesting.” I do my best to ignore how close he was standing.
Captain Mayuri's smirk widens just a fraction at the reply. He seems to almost like that I'm not cowering before him like most people do. He takes another step closer, his eyes flickering over my face, assessing me once again.
"Interesting, hm? Are you sure you didn't hit your head back in the academy?"
“Positive.”
He seems to relish my unwavering confidence and unflinching stance. It’s clear he’s enjoying this little verbal sparring match, and to be honest so am I. He takes yet another step forward, encroaching upon my personal space, as he leans down close, we're almost nose to nose.
"You're fearless," he says, his voice low and measured, "Or just plain reckless."
“I can assure you sir, I’m both.”
A wide grin plasters itself across his face at my admission, his eyes glittering in amusement. He stays in my space for a moment longer, he looks as if he’s searching for something. When he finds no fear or discomfort in me, he takes a small step back, an almost pleased look on his face.
"Reckless and fearless, eh? Perhaps you do belong in my squad, then. I have a feeling you'd work well under me."
“I’m inclined to agree, sir. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some thinking to do.” I say as I bow and take my leave.
I needed to move out of his sight quickly because there was a heat coursing through my body that I didn't expect at all. Before I'm able to disappear completely, he calls out to me, his voice tinged with mild amusement.
"Don't take too long making your decision. My patience is only so thin."